Yeah…….

A long day alone
Emptiness is so real
Never having peace of mind
Running from what I can’t see
And there is nowhere left to hide
Turn and face these empty lies
All alone, heart unturned
Trying to find

Break me down replace this fear inside
Take this nothingness from me
I want to fight
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

I try to find myself
I find the stranger trapped inside
And I’ll take one more step away
From the face I used to recognize
Familiar shadows closing in
Suffocating fear descends
You killed a life, uncovered eyes

I’m trying to find
Break me down replace this fear inside
Take this nothingness from me
I want to fight
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

Replace this fear inside
Take this nothingness from me
I want to fight
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

Break me down
I want to fight
I want to shine
I want to rise
Break me down

Break me!

(Song “Break Me Down” by RED)

Mission Presbyterian……PCA…..and more……

You may or may not have noticed the new link I have to the right…..for Mission Presbyterian Church. This is a plant church that was started by my co-worker Martin and his wife Kathleen along with a group of people committed to this plant. Currently, Mission holds a Wednesday night bible study and a Sunday evening worship/bible study. For more information, check out the link! And I highly recommend you visit either meetings (or both!) – it is a great time with great people……AND you will see my face there too! LOL

On the school front, I received my official acceptance from Hope International – woohoo! I go to Orientation on the 15th, get registered, and buy my books. I had forgotten about the book part, wow they are expensive! LOL But I think I am ready to get back to homework and all that jazz. I am really looking forward to graduate work, which will not have to include GE classes with kids right out of high school, etc. (Sorry Heather, I love you, but many are not as cool as you!) And I am looking forward to learning more topics about management and such.

That’s about it for me right now…..a little sleepy and it’s hard to query the brain at this present moment.

Andrew the Idiot Strikes Again!

Here are my notes from class today!

P: do you or your religious community suffer well?
A: No one suffers well.
P: I am not asking for your opinion of the world and all its occupants, but for your specifically
A: well, no one suffers well.

P: there are several communities in our lives
A: so what you’re saying is a support group?
P: well, that can be a community but I am not limiting it to that
A: well you need to say a support group because that’s the only analogy that makes sense.

First hour of class:
P: we should not judge someone when they are suffering, be sensitive, try not to be like Job’s friends……don’t assume they have done something wrong to deserve their problem.
Third hour of class:
A: I have a question. I have this friend that was having financial problems and they said they prayed that God would let him die. I told him he was wrong and that he shouldn’t do that.
P: so what is your question?
A: as a counselor, don’t you think it’s never right to ask God to take your life?
P: I am saying that God would not want us to want to die, but I think in this example is it more important to tell the person they should never do that, or ask them what is causing their pain that they would ask for it.
A: No my question is, he shouldn’t have prayed for God to let him die, right?

Read Job 32:18-22
P: after the reading of chapter 32, what did you get from it?
A.: 32:18-22 looks to me like Cancer (!)
P: are you saying people with cancer deserve it because of some sin in their lives?
A: well, that’s how it looks to me!

At the end of Job, God restores all of his possessions multiplied by two, and Job has ten more children. Andrew says, “How can he have had ten more children? He seemed pretty old? I mean, how could he live that long?” I said, “Well, the Bible says he lived 140 years more and people lived longer back then.” The Prof said something about Abraham and Sarah too. LAME!

I honestly rolled my eyes today! These were only the highlights! It was funny, the other woman in the class interrupted Andrew because he is a HORRIBLE reader and just started reading. It was awesome.

Have a great rest of the weekend!

Paul’s Letter to the Romans

I LOVE this epistle very much – one of my favorites. But right now I am like “huh”? My assignment is to read a book called THE ROMANS DEBATE and decide why Paul wrote the letter to the Romans. At first it seemed pretty easy, but inside are a bunch of essays regarding the subject and it seems there are lots of different views in answering this question! Some are way over my head (quoting Greek with no translation in the argument) and some seem pretty far fetched (Paul was secretly writing to the Christian church in Jerusalem). I am about half way through the book and I THINK I have my own opinion, but who knows what the next argument will be????

But this has been a pretty cool exercise. I have never really been involved with an analysis of why a part of the Bible was written so this is a new take that has made me use my brain a little!

Any Roman experts out there?!?!!?!!?!

A day of reflection

You know, God has an amazing way of keeping you balanced. I mean, for me anyway. Here are some examples:

1. He makes sure I don’t get a big head. Like, I feel pretty good about my communication skills, and then suddenly I totally bomb the way I present something to my group at work. I go over it in my head and realize I am not as accomplished as I thought. Beat up time…..

2. But then I receive encouragement from someone, thanking me for explaining something really well. So then I think “well, it’s not all lost” and realize that I have strengths along with real weaknesses……

3. And then, in an unrelated matter, the walls come crashing in. I fall into familiar skin, reacting in a way I’ve allowed myself for years to do – and it wasn’t very beneficial. But with friends praying for me and with the Lord’s provision, he showed me how this was happening and gave me the strength to step outside of my comfort zone……

4. and then I realize, it’s not about me at all. It’s about the Lord – how He saved me, how He loves me even when I blow it, how He’s beside me even when I am not thinking about Him, how He supports me even when I don’t realize it. He places awesome people around me to keep me grounded, to gird me up when the walls are crashing in, and who encourage me constantly.

So what does all this mean? God is awesome. I am humbled by it. I am thankful for it. I am energized by it.

Tomorrow might very well suck – I hope it doesn’t. But if it does, I know I will survive because of the Lord and the friends He has given me.

One down……one to go!

Okay, last night was a BIG presentation in my Principles of Management class. It was a “group project” which sort of sucked since I did about 80% of the group work. (But, hey, I am not bitter!) But it went pretty well – it was a case study on Osborne Computers – a real company that made about $100million in sales within 18 months of beginning business (this was in the early 80’s), but was bankrupt within 3 years………pretty sad huh?

If that sounds intriguing, check this out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osborne_Computer_Corporation

So I am glad that is over – only one more night in Inglewood and I will be down to one class remaining for my Major courses, which is already in progress and will end 6/28. Today I need to scramble to get my 6 page essay on the Biblical ethics of Infertility treatments – oh will the fun ever end?

But I sense that I am complaining too much – that is not what I am feeling right now. I actually feel pretty good – tired, need to rush to play the drums at work this morning, but I am feeling GOOD! Sometimes God seems to plan little things just for me (at least, that’s how it feels!). Like this morning – my cat was waiting for me at my door and she showed me amazing love. Jerry had already made the coffee with the timer, so it was waiting for me. The sky looks fabulous this morning – cloudy with sun peaking out here and there. And if you read this Martin – I can hear the birds chirping…….very nice. Today might be hectic, coming off weeks (or maybe even months) of “hectic” for me, but God is faithful to sustain me and loves me so much that He even blesses me…..a great way to start the day!

I pray that you feel God’s encouragement and blessings today too!

The bigger they are….

….the harder they fall. Or so the saying goes.

Today, my world has been shattered – completely. I am writing with a broken heart. Why? For years I have held fast to a truth on earth apart from my faith in Christ. A truth that has defined everything I measure my life by – how to act, how to think, how to love – how to be. These beliefs were solidified when I accepted Christ as my personal Savior, but have been a part of me for my entire life. And today, I found out they are all wrong.

For these beliefs were based on a person who I’ve defined in my heart and grown my heart to copy, someone who I have built on such a large pedestal that I forgot this person was human, with flaws. Further, today I found out how very flawed this person is…..so much like the kind of person I always said I wouldn’t be. And quite honestly, I am completely devasted.

I seriously don’t know how tomorrow can come when things are so wrong in the world. I am spinning and no longer have the heart I thought would never leave me. But for Christ, I would be lost in a great abyss, but the darkness is still very real.

New Testament Survey

Okay, it’s a weird day because I am not irritated at anything! I know, get your butt off the floor – the world is not over!

Today is my best friend’s birthday – yep, that would be Deana! What’s weird is that I am sitting in the first class of my New Testament Survey class while she is shopping in Cabazon. Weird, but I am happy Tonja and Victoria are spending the day with her. Victoria is doing a great job making sure Deana spends monehy on HERSELF and no one else. Way to go, Toria!

So far, I like this class – I am on break now so don’t be all up in my grill! We have covered the syllabus and it promises to keep me VERY busy for the next 6 weeks, but its fascinating. Already the reading in the text about the culture during the time Christ was on the earth has broadened by understanding of the Gospels and the great gift that has been given to us. It’s hard to articulate within the confines of this blog, but I will try to do so as things come to me.

One complaint (yes, now you KNOW it’s Gina writing this blog!). There is a woman in this class that is older and “knows everything”. She was telling people we are supposed to read the text AFTER each week, which is the opposite of what the syllabus and other publications state. I interjected to the person she was informing “actually, that’s not correct” and pointed them to the syllabus. This woman said back, “Well, all the BOLD classes say that but no one ever does it.” I just shrugged and left it alone because I am not anyone’s mother (at least not in this class) so figured it wasn’t my battle. Turns out, she has only taken a couple Bible classes and has not even enrolled in BOLD yet! Sheesh!

Lecture has been AWESOME! Did you know that Paul usually had a scribe to record his epistles? Did you know that the KJV is not the best bible to use? I will discuss that later, but it makes sense – just keep your mind open for my explanation later!

I am enjoying this class very much – much more than I expected! We are talking about so many things – just finished three key variants in the Bible. I can elaborate on that later too, but it is very fascinating!

The next 6 weeks are going to be very hard; TONS of reading and plenty of things to turn in. But I know I am going to learn lots and have some fun too!

Caio!

Acronym not included…..

Okay, this is going to be a more “generic” post in that all names and locations have been changed to protect all parties involved.

I am tired of people telling me they support me or my friends, that their values are such that they are based on Biblical principles, and that it is safe to ask for anything. Sometimes, that’s just not true!

I am tired of people SAYING words that have no merit. (I would elaborate further, but that might divulge too much.)

I am tired of collective professional cultures that describes an environment of balance and fairness that does not exist.

I am tired of corporations who profess faith in Christ, yet pay religious cult organizations for “life changing” information.

I am tired of Christians in general stating they love Christ, but they act more like Christians** then as an emulation of their Lord. (** This term is defined by the individual and not by Biblical scriptures.)

I am tired of people and businesses who do not practice what they preach, or at least not consistently, and justify said action with stupid verbiage and “CYB” language.

Am I jaded? Maybe. Frustrated? Probably. Saddened? Definitely. I’ve been told this blog is kind of a downer or that my posts seem to suggest I have anger issues– maybe that’s because it is not safe for me to share thoughts without being crucified by others who have lawyers or corporate policies or strong opinions based on what they believe certain scriptures state. Or that there is a very, very narrow view on what is appropriate in everything – and somehow I do not have the intellectual capacity to make any sort of decision in the matter.

This is not in relation to anyone YOU know……..of course!

Please note – if I disappear, then Big Brother has found this post!