Dude, I am in BIG TROUBLE!

Well, let me put this in perspective – don’t have much time so sorry about the lack of colorful details!

I have several jobs in my queue as potentials – 2nd interviews, etc. However, yesterday I got an offer from one family-owned firm called Du-par’s Restaurant & Bakery that is very interesting. During the interview, which was over dinner and dessert, the owner of the firm spent more time asking me about my family and details on my kids than anything else! While this position might not be the highest paying, it offers an amazing culture and IMMEDIATE HEALTH BENNIES, which means I save over $700 a month from my COBRA!

Anyway, I accepted the position yesterday as their accountant and actually start today (although I will work normally Mon-Fri). So why am I in trouble????? IT’S A RESTAURANT WITH YUMMY FOOD AND HAND MADE PIES! Dun dun dun……I better watch the food ’cause I can’t weigh 400 pounds!

More later, but seriously, now I can’t take the last minute “what the hell, go for it, Gina” trip to London I was working on! LOL. Life is tough.

Why Love is Sometimes Not Enough…..

I am 41 years old and still have revelations. I still have these moments where the lights turn on and I say, “Ah, I get it now!” It is refreshing and humbling at the same time, and a great example of how we never quite get to the point where we “know it all”!

So, I’d like to share with you one lesson I have recently learned – love is sometimes not enough.

Let me put this into perspective to you.

I believed to the core of my being that, if I loved someone enough, they would eventually see this love and it would change their life for the better. This love would manifest itself in kind words, kind touches, monetary assistance, physical assistance, prayer, consistency, etc. Sometimes this love would be romantically driven as well as spiritually driven, but not always. Sometimes this love would come before my own self-love, even before others I love who have less power to control their own lives. Yet, my truth remained – love harder, believe deeper, and things will change! Ignore the treatment I am receiving, which is really an indication of my own failure more than anything the other person is responsible for!

But I realized, it is NOT my responsibility to provide enough love for someone else to stop being selfish, self-centered, or downright mean! Love is NOT enough to cover the bad attitudes, harsh words, deplorable actions of others! And it’s about time that I love myself enough to say – hey, I am not taking this crap any longer!

For example, I truly believe there have been narcissists in my life; at least they manifest many of the clinical characteristics I’ve had explained to me. And related to that, I’d like to share a quote I received from a DIFFERENT friend:

“You cannot reform a narcissist. When you are the target, you must move. You would not stand in front of a rifle aimed at you, and you must not stand in front of your abuser.”

And here is a quote taken from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert:

“Moreover, I have boundary issues. Or maybe that’s not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time – everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.”

Sadly, I confess to you, my regular and devoted 2.87 readers in cyberspace, that I am guilty of both items above! I haven’t moved when the gun was aimed at me, and I have depleted myself to the point of death……just long enough to start the cycle again with someone else. So, my goals and actions, whether or not they were noble and pure, SUCK! And my love for others, in this regard, was certainly not enough.

Does this mean love ends? Or that love is bad? I tell those involved that the love has ended, but I know it remains. And even as I type this, I feel the urge to pick up the pieces and start the cycle, to try to fix the world, the others, and ignore the fact that this is a huge problem I have! Yet, I commit to fighting that urge, to admit that I DESERVE TO HAVE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS! I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH HONOR, RESPECT, AND CARE! MY LOVE SHOULD BE ACCEPTED NOT BECAUSE IT IS NEEDED TO MAKE ANOTHER HOSPITABLE, BUT BECAUSE LOVE IS PATIENT AND KIND! AND FINALLY, I DESERVE TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE TO THIS!

So, Love is Sometimes Not Enough. I still love you (you know who you are, and people, don’t make so many assumptions), but I will no longer allow you to treat me as you do in the name of this love! Gina is changing and I have God and my friends for their support!

Thanks…..

Sound Like Me (Take 47?)

A friend sent this to me – what do you think? I


You have developed a powerful drive to succeed through trying fresh angles, making new beginnings. Your endurance and persistence come in part from your resourceful capacity to rub out the past and begin over again. In other words, Gina, you have considerable capacity for endurance of changes in this life experience. Your personal relationships often serve as a means for getting you into situations you ultimately need for your development. (I can attest this portion is very true for me right now!)

For example, you have the uncanny yet practical know-how for developing relationships in which you can better serve the needs of a specific environment, institution, or organization. Further, you are able to change your associations and surroundings toward more efficient activity without running away from your home and family responsibilities. With your close friends, you are very direct and are known for your honesty and integrity. You have the innate ability to be of service to a great many people, by helping them make connections in a wide variety of endeavors.

Know that the most important experience you can have is to know what IS your ideal spiritually. Once the ideal is set, if you then entrust your purposes to such an ideal, Gina, you will find guidance and support when doubts and conflicts arise. With an ideal that can relate to all aspects of your life — physically and mentally, as well as spiritually — you can surely become a leader in your chosen vocation. Indeed, you have a natural inclination for success in your career, especially through travel and the people you contact through travel.

Regarding your career, you have special talent in management, sales and handling large sums of money as, say, treasurer, financial secretary, budget officer, or accountant for a large organization. In addition, you are one who enables others to see themselves in a light that they have not yet seen. But your abilities run more to that of a career as a leader or manager, or as one who will be a force behind leaders and executives. In this way may you excel or exceed the most in the present, Gina, both for your own soul development and for the service or aid which you may provide for others.

Before…..and After……

My bike before the accident:

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My bike AFTER the accident:

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The President when I crashed my bike:

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And the President as I feel the pain in my tailbone:

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Well, SOME things are worth saying “woohoo” over!

Oh, and a few other details:

  • Yes, I DID sprain the shoulder I just had surgery on!  I am seeing my Orthopedic Surgeon tomorrow and also have a physical therapy appointment on Thursday.  The xrays didn’t show damage to my collar bone, but my muscles HURT!
  • My bruises are the deepest purple I ever have seen and I never realized before that bruises ITCH when they start to heal.  Hmmm, must be pretty deep!  LOL
  • Kenny is adamant that I never ride again.

Um, It was one of “Those Days”!

Yesterday, January 16th, was a day filled with ups and downs! Let me try to recapture them here!

  • Got a call from two places that want to interview me, will see about that next week.
  • Got a call from Rita, who said she thought she figured out what was wrong with my scooter, and we decided that she would pick me up, bring me back to finalize the fix, and then I could ride it home.
  • Said plan was implemented, but a few glitches came up.  First, the part Rita found online actually did NOT exist at the store that claimed so online.  So, Rita decided the part was only a small piece of the fix and could be obtained later.  Then, we charged the battery, which had died over the months I hadn’t driven my bike, and then we were good to go……except the engine wouldn’t turn over!  My bike does not have a kick start and I didn’t have any idea what to do to fix this situation!  That’s when Rita came up with the idea that she could get a starter booster or something…..we went to Pep Boys, got the can, but I was not really convinced.  She sprayed it into a part of the engine, closed it back up, and I tried the engine again…..viola!  It started!
  • So, we had dinner and then I got geared up to head home, from Woodland Hills to Anaheim Hills.  I waited until the bulk of the Friday traffic passed and then headed home, excited for what the weekend of riding would bring!
  • The drive at first was not bad…..although it was dark and it had been several months since I’d ridden, I had a good handle on things.  I was taking my time – I didn’t have a schedule – and I didn’t want to take any chances.  One unfortunate decision, however, was to take the 5 freeway from the 134 instead of my usual route of 134-210-57-91.  I knew the 5 would have more traffic, but the route would be shorter – therefore, that’s what I did.  I was tooling along slowly, around 60-65 mph, being very cognizant of everything around me.  Suddenly, a car that was in the fast last changed lanes in front of me (I was in the second lane) and immediately slammed on his brakes in front of me.  Since he was between 10-15 feet in front of me, I didn’t have much room to stop.  I admit I panicked a bit and hit my brakes too hard and then my back tire locked and slid to the left.  Before I had another thought, my back crashed into the right back of his bumper and immediately the front of my bike exploded like it was made up of legos.  The next thing that happened was a was flying and I saw the ground of the freeway coming closer…..I thought “This is gonna hurt.”  I don’t know if I rolled, slid, or what, but my next thought was “the car behind me is gonna run me over!”  So, almost miraculously, I hopped on my hands and feet, jumped up and prepared to jump out of the car’s way.  Fortunately, the cars behind me stopped and didn’t hit me.  The next thing was I heard a guy yell from his car, “Are you okay????”  I answers, “I don’t know.”  He asked again and I gave the same answer.  At this point, I must report a sad occurrence – within seconds of my crash, and once it was clear that I was not laying dead of the freeway, numerous Los Angeles drivers began to honk and cuss for me to get out of their way!!!  Had I not been in shock or whatever, I would have shared some thoughts with those drivers!  However, I WAS in shock or whatever, and tried over and over again to lift my bike, which would not budge.  Fortunately, a nice man, along with the original guy who asked if I was okay, helped me lift the bike and move it to the shoulder.  They ALSO stopped the slower lanes from speeding by as they honked…..sheesh!  I never really go to thank those two men – they were amazingly kind.  The guy I hit had pulled over to the side farther ahead and came running to see if I was okay.  I think he felt responsible, and I guess he might be based on my insurance’s feedback, but he was kind to me.

I am tired from writing right now, but I will write more later.  Overall, I am okay – have some nasty bruises, a sprained shoulder, and a bruised tailbone.

More later!