Explaining my Hair Psychosis

aka “The Drama of the Hair”

So, I recently got my hair cut, and several of my friends via FB messaged me and inquired why this short cut didn’t freak me out like my other recent cuts.  And that made me realize something key in my life – I still have friends that aren’t aware of my “Hair Psychosis”.  So, today I’d like to explain this amazing phenomenon.

So, first let’s cover my normal seasonal, general psychosis:

  • At the beginning of each summer, I usually decide that I will grow my hair out.  Oh, I know it’s 5,000 degrees where I live during the summer with 1,000% humidity, but logic is not part of this decision process.
  • About half way through the summer, my curls begin to appear and I remember the work that is involved in straightening, controlling the frizz, etc.
  • I usually see a picture of said frizz-explosion, and think I look fat.  Because, we all know it’s the hair that causes that, right?
  • Usually around late September or early October I get to the point where I am tired of it all.  And, despite the fact that the weather is cooling and my ears are just beginning to have the ability to have protection from the elements, I come to the decision that the damn hair must go.  At that point, it usually gets cut short as a result of said temper tantrum.
  • This can be documented in pictures over the last 3-4 years consistently; check out summer fun vs. Christmas family photos.  It’s very predictable.

So, that is the general psychosis, now let’s add the flavor that was 2014:

Part One – the meltdown

I DID decide to grow my hair out at the beginning of the summer, right on track.  And, as luck would have it, I also changed “hair people”.  I therefore explained to the new hair person, Hannah, that I was trying to grow my hair out and would only like a slight trim to keep the process going, clean it up, and also to help control the “I have curly hair which really turns to frizz with the slightest humidity” situation.  She nodded, I tuned out, and before I knew it my hair was SHORT, I had no bangs, and I was sucked into the hell that is “were we in two different dimensions when I explained I wanted a slight trim?”  THAT was this summer when I had the meltdown to my hair situation – you may remember said FB posts on that.  So, the NEXT haircut I went to a NEW NEW hair person, Britney, who happens to also be a friend, and said, “whoa, just clean it up yo.  I am not having short hair”.  And she did fine.  And my hair slowly recovered from the fiasco.

Part Two – where is the pomade?

And then, mid September arrived, and the cycle started……I was tired of my hair.  The curls.  The appearance of “being overweight”.  The frizz.  I knew how to fix it and I suddenly started gazing at my son’s hair like he was so lucky……it was so easy to fix!  I talked to one of my best friends over lunch – who has short, trendy, and sexy hair – about the virtues and what would be cool to do with mine.  So when I walked into my appointment last week I confidently sat down and said, “cut it off!”.  Britney was so excited and accommodated my request.  And I love it.

So then the cut showed up on FB and there were not the “omg I am sad about my hair” posts and the messages started coming in.  “Hey, what’s the deal?  A few months ago you basically got the same cut and it freaked you out, and now you’re happy?”

What could I say to that?  How about, “Oh, you haven’t been paying attention to the fact I am crazy”?  Yeah, to summarize this long post, I am just crazy, okay?  And I love my short hair…….for now!  🙂