Well, I AM supposed to be at Hume, but Mary and I have our last class for Biola (at least the major courses) tonight and we are having a little banquet. So we drove down together this morning and now we are hanging at her house until class starts at 6pm.
You know, it’s a bit warm at Hume Lake (close to 90 degrees), but at least there you can jump in the pool (pleasantly cool) or the lake (cold) to cool off! Right now I am so freaking hot sitting here without these options that I am NOT HAPPY! But I am happy that we are going back up the mountain early tomorrow morning.
I hope that everyone has had a wonderful week and that there has been plenty of laughter in my absence. In fact, if it helps, go ahead and tell a few jokes about me. Just think of all the goofy things I’ve done, it can’t be that hard!
I will be sure to share some Hume stories and pics once we officially return. For now, my boys, Zack, and Sophia have been having a total blast. Every morning and afternoon Zack asks, “Day camp?” because he wants to go have more fun. It’s cool. Oh, and he DID do flips off the diving board, too!
So there you go!
I will be at Hume Lake this week and will be unable to post as there is no internet access up there. Please don’t cry too much – I will try to post on my laptop so I can upload upon my return!
“Ignorance and inconsideration are the two great causes of the ruin of mankind.”
“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“Our love to God is measured by our everyday fellowship with others and
the love it displays.” Andrew Murray
“It is high time that the ideal of success should be replaced by the ideal of service.” Albert Einstein
“Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.” Scott Adams
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” Albert Einstein
“A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.”
“He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.” Benjamin Franklin
That is it for now, although I have much more!
life is probably one of the most crazy, confusing, awkward things in the entire world. people die, leave, hurt, hate, cry, love etc. even though were all different why do we all have to do the same things? maybe we aren’t all murderers, but we have thought of wanting to kill someone before. the anger and hatred that runs through our bodies. we have all loved someone uncontrollably. we have all cried from the hurt or something. we have all hurt ourselves, though not in the same ways. we are all suppose to be different, but we aren’t, not to me. everyone looks different but our feelings are mutual.
(NO, I didn’t write this…..and no, I still haven’t finished my homework!)
(Note: I will do anything not to do homework……)
The music surrounded me in such a way I could almost hide in it. The beat, so consistent….even persistent, driving the guitar and piano so that I felt them envelope me. I felt safe with their notes around me, helping me to pretend to be what everyone expected. Happy, positive, never scared – and the support for so many. As I stood on the dance floor, not really feeling any of these attributes, I looked to the music to protect me. I could smile when I felt the bass line matching my heartbeat, I could step with each crash of the cymbals, I could scream with the vocals that spoke so truthfully to me. I could pretend while the music touched me during the short time it existed. But even though I have been told life is a dance, I knew the music would eventually end. What will protect me at that point? What cloak will help me plan my next joke or smile when I really don’t want to? I cling to the song, praying for one more measure, as I contemplate the next moments of my life.
But then I see another face, seemingly pondering the same thoughts, the frown lines on their forehead rebelling against the smile that didn’t quite make it to their eyes. I am compelled to move toward them, my curiosity mandating that I step with each beat closer to this person. I fight my normal look – joy and euphoria – and allow my own thoughts of inadequacy to surface to the point that I am able to send a message to this person. As if by magic, the message is received and a look of shock registers as I continue to gaze at them. In that moment I know they understood, that they connected and bridged the turmoil I felt. Their eyebrows raised, as if to ask “did you just reveal your soul to me?” and I, for perhaps the first time in my life, was honest with my nod. Without dropping my gaze, in fact fighting the urge to plant the falseness of my life back in place, I allow all my pain, fear, and sadness to come to the surface. The angst I thought I would feel did not materialize as the transfer of truth began. Just as I thought no more could be revealed – that there was no more to give – the music came to an end. I was completely exposed, and yet felt more real than I ever had before.
Without my cloak of music, without my plastic face, and without pretenses that had been a part of my entire life, I moved forward to say, “Hey……”
Well, I’m a little lonely right now – I should be using the alone time to do my homework……
Alas, I miss my friends. I had a TON of fun yesterday but today NO ONE IS HERE!!! There isn’t anyone to make me laugh, to sing karaoke with, no one to pick up my mess or even make fun of me. Somehow Dance Dance Revolution is not the same when you are jumping on those stupid arrows alone.
Everyone together – POOR GINA!
Okay, so to take my mind of my utter loneliness, the pain of comparing today’s pathetic quiet with yesterday’s jovial noise, I will instead read about business ethics. riveting I am sure!
Okay there you go!
You know, God has an amazing way of keeping you balanced. I mean, for me anyway. Here are some examples:
1. He makes sure I don’t get a big head. Like, I feel pretty good about my communication skills, and then suddenly I totally bomb the way I present something to my group at work. I go over it in my head and realize I am not as accomplished as I thought. Beat up time…..
2. But then I receive encouragement from someone, thanking me for explaining something really well. So then I think “well, it’s not all lost” and realize that I have strengths along with real weaknesses……
3. And then, in an unrelated matter, the walls come crashing in. I fall into familiar skin, reacting in a way I’ve allowed myself for years to do – and it wasn’t very beneficial. But with friends praying for me and with the Lord’s provision, he showed me how this was happening and gave me the strength to step outside of my comfort zone……
4. and then I realize, it’s not about me at all. It’s about the Lord – how He saved me, how He loves me even when I blow it, how He’s beside me even when I am not thinking about Him, how He supports me even when I don’t realize it. He places awesome people around me to keep me grounded, to gird me up when the walls are crashing in, and who encourage me constantly.
So what does all this mean? God is awesome. I am humbled by it. I am thankful for it. I am energized by it.
Tomorrow might very well suck – I hope it doesn’t. But if it does, I know I will survive because of the Lord and the friends He has given me.