Ah, What To Write?

I feel the need to post something here, although I am not sure what……this is a huge dilemma! I mean, what if another blog bot finds this blog and hundreds of peeps read this post, and it is totally lame???? THE PRESSURE!

Sometimes I wish my life could be as simple as Gracie’s. I mean, she gets to sit on the back of my comfy chair as I type this blog, she gets extremely excited just to be able to go outside to go potty, and a small treat makes her day. Me, well, I don’t jump all over the room when I get up to go potty…..it just doesn’t seem fair, does it?

I also wish there was an easy way to convince some people that everything is not about them. For example, if I am in a bad mood because of work, it does NOT mean that a specific, unrelated person somehow offended me and that I no longer want to be their friend or whatever it might be that their brain manufactures. So, if you’re reading this an somehow feel angst that I have these angry feeling towards you or anything like that, please be kind and rewind.

And specifically to “you know who you are” – the only frustration I felt with you was specifically to your actions YESTERDAY, as I specifically noted in my phone call to you. Nothing prior to that or after that has entered my mind and had nothing to do with you. I request that you move forward with the plan and the real person involved and leave me out of it. Unless, of course, you do NOT agree with the voice message I left, in which case feel free to contact me directly and not anyone else. I can and do listen to words that express that I was out of line, and if this was the case tell me. I will probably even apologize……I am ready and willing to move on and let you be, and even discuss YESTERDAY if needed – but I really should never have been part of the plan at all as it has nothing to do with me……

On that note, for my readers who pray, I would appreciate a few coming my way in the next day or two. The days will be directly related to how well the company I work for survives a couple huge hurdles. Also, that the decision makers make better ones so that – if we survive – the issues at hand do not arise again. Thanks.

I am planning to meet Eddie again on Saturday; he is getting another tattoo or maybe two…..he asked if he could get the same cross tattoo I got on his leg. Of course, I told him yes! Isn’t that cool? Truth be known, I got a little teary eyed when he asked. He and I have this hard-to-describe bond, we always have. He is such an amazing brother and I love him so much. So anyway, I am looking forward to that! And I will have to fight the urge not to get another one myself! 🙂

Okay, well, that’s all I got. I apologize for the lame post!
Gina OUT!

Analysis? Naw….UPDATED

Disclaimer:  This is a general post.  It is not related to any specific person, situation, or circumstance that is new or something that I have not shared elsewhere here.  If, by some remote chance, this post offends you, please email me, comment me, or otherwise contact me so that I can assure you that you are not involved.

_____

Too often we are conditioned to act or think a certain way.  It may start with our parents, it may start in our churches, maybe even at school.  Many of the conditions are important – how to act when eating dinner, what is appropriate to say to others, how to act in stores versus playgrounds, etc.  You get the idea.

But sometimes we are conditioned to take on behaviors from others that are not good…..and are afraid to call them on it because, by doing so, they might be offended.  And that IS a hard thing to balance; what if I am wrong?  What if they are right?  What if they get all pissed at you for calling them on it?

But what if you ARE right?  What if the last days or weeks, too many things have occurred that point to the fact that “something is fishy”?  Is it wrong to say, in kindness of course, “hey, what’s the deal?”  Why is it so wrong to air your feelings in a loving manner and at least get your concerns out in the open?  Why is it wrong to give the other person the opportunity to either refute there is a problem or admit that, indeed, something was remiss?  Maybe even give some sort of tangible “proof” that things are not, in fact, “fishy”.  Yet, I maintain that often we are conditioned to keep it all inside and the cycle continues over and over again.

To sum up this post of really nothing meaningful, I am tired of the damn cycle and just want the ride to end……..and yet, as an observer in the matter, I fear it will continue indefinitely…….

Wow, that sounds cryptic!  And I love that.

Gina OUT!

Wednesday Rock Song – My Girl

By Aerosmith.  Love the bass line on this.

My Girl, she breathes hellfire
And My Girl, she feeds my desire
My Girl Sadie, she’s the wind in my sails
A puss’n boots lady with a cat o’ nine tails
Comin’ after you honey, feet don’t fail me now

My Girl, she’s a bare back rider
And My Girl, she’s Lady Godiva
She’s a full time love no mon ami
Sweeter than honey from a honeybee
And it all rubs off on little old me, oh

Slippin’ in and out of love
Slippin’ in and out of love
Slippin’ in and out of love
Slippin’ in and out of love

My Girl, she smokes barbed wire
And My Girl, can’t get no higher
I made it with the lady and a one track mind
Diamonds in the rough, they’re so hard find
Day after day, the same old grind
And grind and grind and grind….

My Girl, My Girl, My Girl, My Girl….

My Girl, she’s bare back rider
And My Girl, she’s Lady Godiva
She’s a full time love no mon ami
Sweeter than honey from a honeybee
And it all rubs off on little old me, oh

Slippin’ in and out of love
Slippin’ in and out of love
Slippin’ in and out of love
Slippin’ in and out of love

Oh, My Girl!

Recap of Weekend? Not Sure Yet…..

I am still trying to get “back into the swing of things” here, so I am not completely motivated.  Wow, at least THIS time I have an excuse for feeling this way!  LOL

This weekend was a whirlwind of activity as my sister, Linda, and my nephew/her son Matthew was here visiting from Colorado.  We were able to visit Eddie (with whom we all got tattoos – see pics posted prior to this), spent a nice time with Mom, visited Uncle Kenny and Aunt Charlene, and also Uncle Ed and Uncle Lou.  What is harder to share in a meaningful way is that these people are spread out all over California (Fullerton, Rialto, Wildomar, a stop in Lake Forest, back to Fullerton, home to Valencia, and Rancho Palos Verdes).  It was fun though!

I want to add that I am VERY HAPPY with my dog, Gracie today!  She went potty outside like a good girl this morning!  Ah, the little things!

Well, the unmotivated piece of me is taking over……so I guess I will stop here.  Sorry that I missed a few song days.  Right…..I know it was devastating to most of you…….

Oh, one more thing.  I realized I need to start living in the moment, not the past.  Yesterday may have been cool or it may have sucked.  Last year  may have brought much happiness or threw me in the depths of despair.  I don’t need to FORGET about that.  But I need to stop “living” in those moments – either wishing for them or living with regret for mistakes I made.  My life today is pretty darn good and, no matter what today brings me (the good, the bad, the ugly) I need to experience it and honor it TODAY.  So, I think today is a great day to start focusing on the people and activities in my life that are here TODAY instead of thinking about the people and activities that were in my past.  I used to form my life around what I was told was “my destiny”, but from now on I am making my own.  Make sense?  Although, I don’t promise I won’t reminisce!  🙂

Gina OUT!

Friday Love Song – As Long As You’re Mine

from Wicked. So true, so true……..I think about you everyday……:)

ELPHABA
KISS ME TOO FIERCELY
HOLD ME TOO TIGHT
I NEED HELP BELIEVING
YOU’RE WITH ME TONIGHT
MY WILDEST DREAMINGS
COULD NOT FORESEE
LYING BESIDE YOU
WITH YOU WANTING ME

JUST FOR THIS MOMENT
AS LONG AS YOU’RE MINE
I’VE LOST ALL RESISTANCE
AND CROSSED SOME BORDERLINE
AND IF IT TURNS OUT
IT’S OVER TOO FAST
I’LL MAKE EV’RY LAST MOMENT LAST
AS LONG AS YOU’RE MINE…

FIYERO
MAYBE I’M BRAINLESS
MAYBE I’M WISE
BUT YOU’VE GOT ME SEEING
THROUGH DIFFERENT EYES
SOMEHOW I’VE FALLEN
UNDER YOUR SPELL
AND SOMEHOW I’M FEELING
IT’S “UP” THAT I FELL …

BOTH
EVERY MOMENT
AS LONG AS YOU’RE MINE
I’LL WAKE UP MY BODY
AND MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME…

FIYERO
SAY THERE’S NO FUTURE
FOR US AS A PAIR …

BOTH
AND THOUGH I MAY KNOW
I DON’T CARE …

JUST FOR THIS MOMENT
AS LONG AS YOU’RE MINE
COME BE HOW YOU WANT TO
AND SEE HOW BRIGHT WE SHINE
BORROW THE MOONLIGHT
UNTIL IT IS THROUGH
AND KNOW I’LL BE HERE HOLDING YOU
AS LONG AS YOU’RE MINE…

Fiyero studies her face.

FIYERO
What is it?

ELPHABA
(beat)
It’s just– for the first time, I feel wicked.

Thursday Ramblings…..

So today I walked into the office to hear a sermon broadcasting from Charles’ computer.  Yes, Charles is a Christian and I have to admit, he’s really on fire.  He has a great heart and yearns to know more of God, and at times I feel as though God placed Charles here to bless me. 

However, the sermon being played kind of pissed me off.  (Yes, I can say that all in one sentence!)  First of all, I have to be candid in that I have NEVER liked preachers who scream at the top of their lungs.  Never.  So I already was biased against him just by hearing his yelling voice.  But moreso was his message – you really can’t know you are truly saved unless you prove it with things such as going to church, avoiding worldly things of all kinds, etc.  He went onto say that you “better be scared” because you could lose your salvation at any moment if you don’t watch out. 

I must add that, usually when Charles has these sort of preachers on, I just pray that the Holy Spirit reveal himself to both of us and that there might be a balance to His love and also to our role as ambassadors for Him to the world.  However, LOSE YOUR SALVATION?????  I cannot STAND this sort of crap!  How can I have more power than Jesus Christ Himself when I had nothing to do with my salvation in the first place????

So, just hold up a second, please.  I am NOT saying we as Christians should be willy nilly and do anything because we have this “sure fire” thing called salvation.  When we accept Christ, we ARE changed and the Holy Spirit indwells us and makes us a new creation.  And we SHOULD be new, should seek to be more like Jesus everyday, and become sactified by the Holy Spirit.  But, let’s face it, we still suck apart from Christ and we are so gonna fail in many, many ways.  I tried to articulate these thoughts to Charles, but he told me that we are slaves to Christ and therefore should not sin.  I said it was impossible.  He said I might need to get right with God (not directly and not mean spirited……)

So I instead wrote this email:

I agree with the CONCEPTS of the pastor speaking today, but I think there is too much emphasis on the outward.  The Pharisees in Jesus’ days knew the law, did many of the outward things required by the law (and like us, tons of things we as humans have added to the law), yet Jesus was clear that their arrogance and sick hearts were wrong and kept them from knowing God. 

 

For example, his words “you are known by your fruit” and should not “be of the world”.  I have heard some claim that if I, as a woman, wear pants, I am of the world and beyond salvation.  I have heard that if I drink beer, I am of the world and cannot be a Christian.  (keep in mind, the Bible says “be ye not DRUNK”).  I have heard that, if I listen to secular music, I am not saved.  All of these are outward signs and have nothing to do with the heart or even Jesus Christ.  However, many Christians who go to church and tithe and cut their hair a certain way (aka, “like the Pharisees), treat a homeless person like crap and turn their backs on “sinners” in the world and justify those actions by saying “we are not of the world”.  But when the scriptures tell us to follow the law – which I am not even saying we shouldn’t – I believe Jesus set the heirchy for this following.  Matt 22:34-40 NIV (emphasis mine) says:

The Greatest Commandment

 34Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:

 36“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[b] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[c] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

So, the way I see it, if we do not love our God and our neighbors, no other adherence to the law matters, as everything hangs on these two things.  And who is our neighbor?  They are the ones that society tells us to hate (Samaritans), they and the sinners (aka the adulterer who was not stoned), they are the world.  And, by Jesus’ own actions (as he did everything the Pharisees thought was “of the world”), we need to love and reach out to all people no matter what their circumstances and LOVE THEM EVEN IF THEY DO NOT ACCEPT HIM!

 

And again, focusing too much on the outward “fruits” (that really can be defined in world ways, don’t you think?  Going to church, looking a certain way, speaking a certain way – cliques do that too!) is dangerous.  Jesus himself shared in Luke 18:9-14:

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

 9To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: 10“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11The Pharisee stood up and prayed about[a] himself: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

 13“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

 14“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

So, I am NOT saying we should not put on the garments God provided through His Son at the point of our salvation – I am not saying there should not be a change in us when we accept Him as Savior.  But I also do not want to take other scriptures that promote fear or make me feel as though I need to put on the garments of man to “prove” my salvation.  I rely on the Holy Spirit on a daily basis to fight the flesh that is still present in my life (just as Paul shared in Corinthians).  I hope and TRUST that I am being sanctified each day by the Holy Spirit and that HIS LOVE is manifested in me and that I truly follow His greatest commandments – to love Him and love others – before I get all arrogant to measure my other fruits in a greater way.  And I am will based my faith in the Bible that says I am saved because I accepted Jesus Christ, and I will not worry about “losing” my salvation or question that salvation because I may not adhere to one or another “rule”.  No matter how great I am with the “clothes” or outward signs, I am really and truly like that tax collector – I so suck and I am 100% a sinner and really, I do not deserve a damn thing.  And even if I get some sense of “godliness” with my “walk” or my “talk” or my church attendance or anything else that I can do to separate myself from the world, I still suck except for the blood of Jesus that has given me something I do not deserve.

 

So THAT is what I was trying to say.  And there is no scripture that says what we need to “listen to” specifically…….because just as I sent this email, the preacher dude said if you listen to secular music, you just might not be saved……and used the scripture “you called ‘Lord Lord’ but I did not know you” as proof…….sigh.

 

And maybe the next conversation we can have is – can a secular job be your ministry?  J

I am posting this mostly because I would love to hear your thoughts about this.  Am I wrong?  Should we focus more on things like music, clothes, church attendance, and less on loving others or maybe working on our hearts? 

And on a side note, I have words of advice for business owners.  If you do not pay withholding taxes to the IRS and State you’re located in, they can and WILL take all of your money out of your bank accounts and will not care if you just sent our payroll checks or your opinion that “you can’t stop our operations like that”.