Word of advice – love sucks. If anyone tells you anything like they will protect your heart forever or not cause you pain, don’t believe them. Pain is the only thing is life that is certain, except for death.

There may be days of joyous celebration and days of troubled existence, maintaining the status quo. There are highlights and lows; concern and rejoicing. Changes. We go through the motions hoping, almost expecting, things to get better or to change. “It can’t possibly get worse.” At times it is true, other times not. But we move forward with an expectation of hope.

I kill myself trying to be true to my feelings, being caring to others, honoring my God and family. I work hard, sometimes not so hard, but always make sure I can look myself in the mirror and know that I’ve done my best. All to realize it really doesn’t matter – people see me for who they think I am; they judge my actions and decide my motives. They determine my heart and why I do things. The dismiss me or attack me or provoke me. But nothing I do can change how they see me.

And quite frankly, I am done trying.