First of all, special shout out to my dear cousin, Christine! She is a few weeks older than I am, has always lived states away, yet we are more alike than I realized. Thank you for always sending me encouraging comments or emails, and always being real with me. I am so glad you are settling back down and getting online! I’ve missed you! And I love you!
The Getty was AWESOME and the day was beautiful! Rona and I had a nice lunch looking at the clear blue sky, after having seen 90% of the museum! I love that museum – next stop, Fargo where there are TWO museums!!!! What’s also kind of cool is that Kirstie went to the Getty TODAY, totally unaware we had gone, and we compared notes! Woohoo! The three of us like many of the same things.
Tomorrow Kenny and I are going to the beach to take……SURFING LESSONS! I am not entirely sure I will actually take them as it is a LONG day (8am – 2pm) and I am not sure how I will look in a wet suit, but Kenny for sure is taking lessons. He has been waiting SO LONG for this day! He was so excited tonight I had to insist he go to bed! And, this old lady best be getting to bed soon too as we need to be at the beach by 7:30!
As for analysis, which I often do, I realized something today. I tend to see the potential in everything – issues, people, ideas…..the list goes on. And on the surface, this is a good quality to have. But my problem, and perhaps yours as well, is when I manufacture potential that is not there, thus creating a hope that is really fruitless. For example, I often manufacture “the best” in people because, well, I don’t want to acknowledge how their actions are hurtful to me. I make excuses for them internally, not really saying, “wow, they are treating me like crap and that needs to stop!” I guess I have taken the “turn the other cheek” theory a bit too far. Or I tell myself, if I love someone a bit or am really kind to them, they will somehow see how cool that is and will start being nicer. See how I transfered that? It is MY fault they are not nice, because I haven’t done enough to “change” them! Whoa there! This analysis is getting DEEP! Or maybe subconsciously I think that I somehow deserve to be treated badly, that to expect someone to be nice to me “just because” is a little off beat. Hmmmm, I think I better stop writing because this is really getting personal…….
Another thing I realized – I give all I have to people, many people that don’t (or didn’t) deserve it. Emotionally, physically, financially – I have sacrificed for many people who really don’t give a damn about me today, for myriad reasons. And I wonder, WHY did I sacrifice so much for them? To receive some sort of manufactured love? To make myself feel valuable? Maybe to make myself feel fulfilled? All for nothing, it seems, because many of the people to whom I gave the most don’t even pretend to care about me today. As my dear friend Teddi would ask now, “so, what have you learned from that?” I am not sure. I like the part of me that sees a need and tries to meet it. But I guess my heart is telling me to reign it in a little or at least expect the recipient to treat me like crap. And that makes me think, was there a string to my love? Did I do it out of love or to make them feel obligated to me? Hmmmm. But I also think takers, just takers, the kind that then stab you in the back and act like you are horrible, suck. Oh, now I am rambling!
This post is a direct result to me having a migraine today! A BAD one. So I guess it rumbled up my brain cells a bit!
I hope to take pics of Kenny surfing tomorrow and will post them!