So, I have posted pretty blah stuff lately. As such, I am feeling a bit pressured internally to take it a bit deeper. Not sure I will succeed, but I will try!

First of all, I’d like to talk about anger. As a Christian, and specifically a Christian Woman, I have been tacitly taught that anger is not a Christian trait. Anger is sin. Anger is BAD. And admittedly, I have done some of the dumbest things in my life when I was angry! Reacting in anger is uncool, attacking in anger is bad, and well…..anger sucks. So this generally validated the tacit encouragements of the Christian culture around me.

However, I find it interesting that the Bible does not call out ANGER, but calls out BEHAVIORS of us when we are angry! Here is what I am talking about:

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV): “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Notice that Paul does not write “you best not get angry – anger is sin” but rather, “hey, I know you’re bound to get angry. Fine. But don’t sin when you are there.”

Even more powerful in this enlightenment I am experiencing is Ephesians 4:29, which reads “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” I can give you sob stories of how relatives tore me up when they were mad at me, or people who used to be close to me used their hurt and anger to justify ripping me apart. But more importantly, I have used “unwholesome talk” in my anger and pain to get some sort of “healing” or – more likely – revenge towards those that hurt me. And I am not even suggesting that the pain I went through was right, but two wrongs never make a right.

But the real kicker is at the end of this chapter in the Bible, verses 4:31-32, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

I believe, again, that it is not WRONG to be angry (hurt, resentful, crying out in pain, and acknowledging that another person has hurt you, etc.) What is WRONG is what we do with it. I, for one, have exploded with anger and regret it today. I, for one, have held onto bitterness against those who have hurt me, only to hurt myself in the process. I, for one, have asked for and expected forgiveness for my shortcomings, while denying the same to those who have wronged against me. I even felt justified in ripping apart these people, but have found it didn’t diminish the pain and/or bitterness I held. And I realize now that it didn’t bring me anywhere close to forgiving them…..in fact, it heightened my anger. So, maybe what Paul is saying here is that, to “get rid of bitterness and anger”, you truly have to put on the garment of Christ…..forgive where it seems impossible to forgive. For, let’s face it, do YOU and I DESERVE Christ’s forgiveness? Nope, we do not. So, maybe the way of getting rid of the anger and replacing it with kindness and compassion is to forgive…..even if it doesn’t make sense. Even if there is not retribution involved. Even if it doesn’t seem fair.

I must admit, there are big parts of me that is fighting against this premise! I want fairness! I want revenge…..

But again, if I did something wrong (and, believe me, I have) I would be more bent on wanting to be forgiven then wanting what I deserve……

Anyway, not sure if this makes sense. I feel better now that I am not such a failure because I get angry. I will now focus on what I DO with that anger, which is where the problem arises.

BUT, before I go, I wanted to share a few pics:

This pic cracks me up. It was taken in the Du-par’s Women’s employee bathroom. My, how times have changed!

And this pic was taken yesterday and Zack’s baseball game. I don’t know what has happened to me…..I used to find these sort of rules important, but have loosened up a little I guess! (And, btw, I was told the sign didn’t apply on weekends!)

Okay, well even though it’s Sunday, I am off for work! We sold one of our locations and I need to cut the employee’s final checks! Have a great day!

Gina OUT!

Opinion: Tolerance not same thing as acceptance | society, free, right : YumaSun.

I really like the way this professor sums up the idea of tolerance…..something I think is lacking – especially in Christian firms located in Brea, CA.

…..and well, thinks she smells smoke!

When I was at the Museum of Tolerance (MOT), I was touched very deeply.  (To hear some thoughts already posted, check out this blog entry.)  When I was there, seeing the propoganda the Nazi party shoveled out, see the faces of so many tortured…..seeing the faces and hearing the stories of the millions who were murdered…….well, it made it easy to despise those who caused such carnage.   Hearing Hitler say, “I am doing the work of the Lord” DID tick me off pretty well, and directing the bulk of my anger towards him was quite easy.

So, the last few days I have lived with this anger, judgement, and actual hate for Hitler.  Thinking of him burning in hell day after day, being tormented as he so deserves.

But yesterday, a thought hit me (and also collided with a picture a friend sent….) – what if this whole time Hitler has been in heaven because he repented and accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior?  To be candid, my first reaction to such a thought was, “Please Lord, tell me You didn’t save HITLER!  He doesn’t deserve it!”

That was a painful place for me to be…….actually thinking someone didn’t deserve to be saved!  Let’s think about that…….I could go on and say “Well, I am not as bad as Hitler, so I deserve to be saved.”  Or maybe, “I would rather see Hitler in hell and learn that Christ’s blood is not strong enough than see him in heaven!”

Is that blasphemous?  Can I really call myself a Christian if 1) I don’t want to see EVERYONE saved, and 2) don’t fully acknowledge that the blood of Christ can and does cover ALL sins to those who love and accept Him?  (Now, I am not a theologian and have no desire to get into predestination/elections and so forth, so please don’t take me down that road!)

ANYWAY, as a Christian, do you thin we would REJOICE to see Hitler in heaven?  I mean, seriously, to see him there knowing that Christ totally did an amazing work would get me stoked.  (And as I am writing this, my body is STILL saying “I can’t, I really can’t want him there!”)  But what about me?  I did not participate in a horrible genocide of an entire culture, as well as include anyone that opposed me, but do I deserve to be saved?  I mean, I cuss like hell, I hate, I lose faith, I am a horrible rendition of what I was created to be…….except for that guy named Christ.  And I haven’t done anything remotely good enough to make myself deserve to be saved…….that’s that guy’s job too.

So, on that note, what does this picture do to you?

Okay, don’t get all political on me.  OF COURSE I am not suggesting that actions on this earth do not lead to consequences – hello!  But let’s think about this…….if Hitler repented and accepted Christ……..and what about Bin Laden?  What if he had a Damascus road moment?  What if that moment was seconds before his death – a death so many would probably celebrate – and then we run into him in heaven too?  Would that tick you off?  Does the mere image of Christ washing his feet send you over the edge?

It did me, and that has really gotten me thinking about this Christian thing!

John 3:16 (New International Version)

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

More on this shortly………….Gina OUT

Okay, I received an email from a friend telling me their former pastor (as in, they no longer go to his church) was protesting in China, during the Olympics, in favor of religious freedom. When I first heard, I was like, “wow, that’s pretty brave – China is a scary place regarding religious freedom!” Then, since my curiosity was peeked, I did a google search.

The following are excerpts from the CBS Denver affiliated site, as written by the Associated Press, and can be found here.

An American pastor checked into upscale hotels in the Olympics host city this week, filmed himself painting two of his rooms with slogans like “Beijing 2008 Our world Our nightmare” and then disappeared. Without paying. Eddie Romero’s unusual protest, now making the rounds on YouTube, shows foreigners can still sneak through the tight security measures China imposed to keep potential troublemakers away from the games. Romero’s friends said the preacher was in hiding, but planned to surrender to Chinese authorities as soon as the Olympics end Aug. 24. They said he began thinking about his elaborate, one-man protest of China’s human-rights abuses when Beijing was selected as the host for the 2008 Olympics seven years ago.

On Tuesday, in a sometimes unsteady hand — he had to teach himself how to paint — the California-based pastor splashed the walls of his two hotel rooms with demands for the release of five Chinese activists. He slashed pillows and staged mock killings with stuffed people propped on the bed, red paint spattered like blood on the headboard.
Romero, who appears to be alone, tells the camera he doesn’t want to disrupt the games. He talks about religious freedom for groups that remain highly sensitive with the Chinese government — Tibetan Buddhists, Uighur Muslims, the Falun Gong spiritual movement. The protest is heartfelt, said Bob Fu, leader of the Texas-based China Aid Association who is among a group of Romero supporters monitoring the protest from California. “This is not like middle-age crisis, craziness,” Fu said. “He’s very genuine, a caring, loving pastor. And very creative.” Another friend, British-based pastor Tony Thomas, said Romero had no special connection to China, but he had a vision for the project in 2001 after watching Beijing win the right to host the games. Thomas said Romero hatched the protest plan — which he eventually named “The Gadfly Project” — after consulting with a few close friends at his Hacienda Christian Fellowship church and talking with American activists who campaign for Chinese rights.

Okay, I am ALL FOR freedom of speech, human rights, freedom of religion, and would be the first to admit China has some things they could learn. I am not alone. And I praise the strength and bravery for people who stand in the face of oppression such as those that exist in China – and other countries – today. I applaud them. Protests have their place, can be affective……..

But VANDALISM? Destruction of hotel rooms, without paying? Getting the message on YouTube, where I imagine the majority of those in China would not even SEE it, let alone be able to do something about it? And, as a Christian Pastor, who admittedly does not appear to be trying to spread his faith, I think it further damages international views of Americans AND Christians! I think protests should be brave and RESPECTFUL – think of that student that stood in front of the tank……..his message still pops up today! But DISRESPECTING things……hmmmmm, not so sure…..

Am I off here? I would love to hear your opinions because, admittedly, I am reacting here……

Gina OUT

Okay, so maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night…..it was hot, I tossed and turned…..and the alarm went off WAY too early this morning! But Ken and I will be leaving shortly for some fun surfing so things will be okay (and least, after I sip the coffee I just brought to the table!)

There has been an “issue” that has been bothering as of late. Well, probably for months, but it’s been gnawing at me more readily lately. Not sure why, but it has. Sometimes the thing called “religion” sucks! I mean, don’t get me wrong…..I have an intimate and real relationship with Jesus – without him I do not think I would have survived the crap that has been the last several months of my life. I am NOT talking about faith, God, or those sorts of things. I am talking about the dogma, the organized structures that are used to condemn, persecute, destroy…..and the worst part for me, in the name of my Lord.

I believe we need parameters to live by, standards to measure against, and the intelligence to know that we will surely miss the mark over and over again but are saved by Grace. Yet, I have witnessed a personal exodus from my life that is directly tied to RELIGION. Some have not been malicious, and perhaps just tied to the fact that the people involved don’t see me everyday like they used to. But harder for me to move past is the way that my employer used RELIGION to treat me like a second class citizen, outright harassing me, putting me through a five hour interrogation without lunch breaks or food, being treated “guilty until I (emphasis on me) prove my innocence”, and such. Why am I bringing this up now? Hmmmm. I see the pattern that my past employer implemented against me all over most organized religions – at that makes me very sad. But worse than that, I see the righteous justification to treating brothers or sisters in Christ like – excuse my French – holy crap. Often times, or at least in my case, after the same persecutors had treated me like a “rising star”. However, it seems that this treatment is not isolated, and that perhaps is why the wounds I feel haven’t had much time to heal.

I don’t know how to resolve this really. I guess I am hoping that, by writing out the words, this angst deep within me will be exorcised. Or the feeling of unfairness will diminish from my soul. Or, most likely, I just feel like a pity party today……..

On this note, here is an excerpt from John Shore’s blog (see link to the right) – it was a comment he received from a woman who struggled win unloving parents.  However, she moved into the treatment she received from Christians……tough words, however I believe many deal with this sort of thing often:

“I must say I do not like my parents. I am trying to return to God but I really need some Christians to show me that unconditional LOVE does exist. That it’s possible for someone not to judge you because you are different, unsocial or had a rotten life, and for them not to fear who I am might “rub off on them.”  I can’t say I have met many Christians of this kind. Mostly I hear from them how everyone outside of their little sect is going to Hell and wrong. In the four years I have been living in our town I have had ONE Christian person reach out to me unconditionally and lovingly. I was like a starving skeleton eating food for the first time in thirty years. I didn’t think Christians wanted anyone new around them or anyone so hurt they cannot seem to understand how deep it goes. I wonder if there really are Christian who care anymore. Not in my town I guess. Only one person at all, I guess.

I guess Christians have become too frightened to reach out to others in need. Somehow a sick wounded bleeding person is supposed to crawl to a church and beg for a little help. I wonder if Jesus would have slunk back and kept his mouth shut because others might punish him for sharing the gospel. I guess not because he died for us. I am trying to relate that to me.”

I will probably analyze this more later, but for now I must get ready to surf, dude! I will bring my camera today!

Gina OUT!