No, I really didn’t go to the park today. I took care of a few errands, did my homework, relaxed a bit after sleeping in until 9:30 this morning. I took a long drive and hung out with a friend. Played Guitar Hero until my eyes watered (yeah, really, played for four hours straight!) And now I am writing in this blog! Oh, and it was nearly 100 degrees here today in Sunny California! Yowza!
I am feeling a little melancholy today. Not sad, not down. Just…….melancholy. What does that mean? Per the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the term means, “depression of spirits : dejection : a pensive mood”. Am I dejected? I guess that means lowness of spirits. Am I low? Hmmmm. Maybe I am using the wrong word to describe how I feel.
And now you realize why this blog is named “Just Rambling”!
I am at a good place in my life, I know that. Things are happening that are revealing who I really am, what I am capable of. I am taking strides I have never taken before, reaching inward to places I never knew existed. This is AMAZING and I am so happy about that. Yet, it also feels as though I am in sort of a limbo – of living but not living. Of being, but not really being. And I don’t know what to do with that. Maybe it means that my growth is fighting against what I have been “comfortable” in for 40 years – my psyche is reaching out to what it knows, even if it is not healthy. Or maybe I AM in a sort of limbo, and why is that bad? Maybe I need a rest period for a time, an intermission that allows me to progress on this road of discovery and healing that I’ve placed myself on. Maybe I need to stop searching outward to find wholeness and rest until I find that the wholeness I seek is in myself and in God. Hmmmm.
So, on that note, I am feeling melancholy! 🙂