Ramblings

October – The Month of Reflection

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

So this month has been…….different.  It never really has been “a month” for me historically, though I have a few family members who celebrate their birthday during the month and what not.  But before 2011, October was not especially reflective.  That all changed last year, and for weeks I have been thinking about those events as well as the subsequent happenings during the months that followed.

But I am getting ahead of myself.  Last year, on October 30th, I received a call from Aracelly – my oldest brother’s ex-wife.  While I held no animosity towards her, we had naturally fallen apart after my brother and she divorced years before.  So it was weird that I received this ominous voice mail to please call as soon as I could.  As a mother, and a Professional Worrier in Training, I was able to think of some pretty scary reasons that she was calling in the moments it took me to call.  I actually reached Aracelly’s sister first, who gave me another number to reach her.  Yet even though I thought of many horrors that she needed to tell me, I was unprepared to actually hear what she had to share.

My brother Joey, was in critical condition and would probably not survive the night.  In fact she explained that he was in New York, in the middle of surgery, and it seemed pretty bad.  During this call, there was not a ton of information other than he had collapsed and that his brain was bleeding and the doctors were unsure of if he was brain dead or not.  Their daughter, Natalie, had been in Finland for school and was trying to get to New York to be with her dad.  Oh, and there was one other concern – if he made it out of surgery and if he even had brain function……..he had Stage IV kidney cancer.

I am not sure I will ever forget that moment in time – when time itself seemed to halt, as my heart raced, as my mind spun yet lacked focus to comprehend all that I needed to, the pain that I initially pushed back as I was afraid it would overwhelm me to a point where I’d be useless in helping, and the memories of my childhood and my brother that flooded before my tear-filled eyes.  Soon my mind switched to my niece Natalie, whom I felt a connection to despite the years we had not interacted, and wondered how best I could help HER while trying to ignore the pain I imagined she must be feeling as well.  But, like most things in my life, I function the best in coordinating/planning/notifying family/action plan creating and moved there almost immediately. 

Today, if I am honest with you, I almost wish I could go back to that moment because, back then my brother was alive……..

In any case, just as last year proved, I remind myself and you that there were some pretty awesome moments after that shocking phone call that I feel very blessed to have occurred despite the sadness that existed or the dire straights that had been communicated.  And in honor of my brother’s life, I’d like to recount those here with you over the coming days as I recreate those moments that began last year.

In the mean time, please enjoy my brother’s Memorial Slide Show.

A Change of Pace – Not About Chick-Fil-A

/ Gina Marie / 3 Comments

I tell you, it’s been a crazy week for me!  LOTS of roller coaster rides emotionally, but I can say as I sit and write this, I know and feel the love of Christ envelop me.  And am reminded to walk in HIS love, and love others as He has taught, and then the rest will fall into place.  But I digress.

Today I would like to share my beliefs about something, and especially this week I learned that everyone has a right to have and share their beliefs.  The spirit of this sharing is not in order to convince you to think the way I do, to point out how wrong it is for you to believe what you do, or anything like that.  It is to share WHY I believe what I do and I hope for one goal – that you can understand MY position.  If any reader feels they need to share THEIR opinion, via public comment or private message to me, that’s fine.  Just please use the same spirit of not telling me or anyone else why MY feelings are “wrong” or yours are “right”.  Focus on why you believe it, period.

Topic of the Day:  Marriage vs Civil Union

During the course of this week, I have heard several sub-topics pop-up as either reference points or proving points within the bigger Chick-Fil-A/Free Speech/Freedom of Religion debate chain.  Some honestly made me roll my eyes (I’ve posted here before how the whole “Adam and Eve vs Adam and Steve has always made me react), though many were shared intelligently and without as much perceived venom.  One such topic was Marriage vs Civil Unions.  And that got me to thinking.

The premise presented (and it was presented in a friendly way) that the issue this person had is that her religion does not accept or approve of same-sex marriage, so to have the government FORCE it or elevate it above her religious beliefs was offensive to her.  However, if Civil Unions were legalized and offered the exact same legal rights and benefits as marriage to same-sex couples, which in her mind also meant it didn’t include her religion or beliefs, she was cool with that.  That way, both groups could be treated equally without the infringement on religious beliefs.

At first, I have to admit this sounded cool to me.  I mean, some of my biggest concerns as a lesbian is that my wife (and remember, we were legally married in New York, so I can say that) will not receive social security benefits, may be excluded from me if I were in the hospital, would have to potentially pay inheritance taxes on the house we purchased together as we are not seen as relatives, and really……the State of Texas (and bunches of others) don’t even recognize my marriage at all.  So, my first response was,”Yeah, give me a Civil Union and make sure the legality is recognized at the State and Federal level, and I’d be cool with it.”  Because really, MY God approves of my relationship so I already have that piece and this would add the missing pieces.

But then I started to think more deeply about this and realized, TO ME, this is only a partial solution.  And admittedly, I’d take it in a heartbeat today, but I would not stop supporting the efforts for full marriage equality until it comes to fruition or I die.  Why?  Let me explain.

I contend such a structure does not promote Equality OR Freedom of Religion!

  • Marriage is absolutely a religious covenant – I don’t dispute it.  But there are members of religions who do not see same-sex marriage as outside their belief system.  While I am not promoting forcing ANY church to perform marriages to same-sex couples if it is against their beliefs (and really, would YOU want to get married in such a church?), to not allow churches who have no problem to perform a marriage in their church to same-sex marriage is not equality.  Both should have a RIGHT to do so, or not do so, as they see fit based on their religious beliefs.  That allows Freedom of Religion.
  • Marriage, whether some view it as a religious right, is not EXCLUSIVELY a religious right.  I was married in the state of California (and you must accept this marriage, for it was to a wonderful man) and it became a legally binding document within the county in which I was married, as well as the State of California.  That legal documents proved to the Federal Government my status, and that of my husband, and allowed us to file taxes together, own property together as family members, share insurance policies, gave us breaks, social security benefits, etc.  In fact, THAT side comes whether we would have married in the church, on the beach, or at the county court via “civic ceremony” with a judge marrying us.  In fact, as the laws stand now, ATHEISTS can get married, get a marriage license, and there is no limitation to their access.  Marriage is a legal definition of a status, not just a religious profession of love, already in our country.  So implying that this “religion only” policy needs to be protected is not valid and, to me, means it is being requested to exclude a specific group of people.  That is not equality.
  • But you may say, okay Gina, I don’t dispute most of the above at all.  But bend a little – Civil Unions will be the same under the law.  But I contend, why the need for “segregation” of groups of people if the law has the same rights?  What if I got a job and my new boss didn’t know I was a lesbian and his personal beliefs were that gays go to hell (and he has a right to believe that)?  Let’s say when I turned in my documents for  insurance, he sees that I have a Civil Union instead of a Marriage certificate?  Whether or not he acts on this knowledge is not the point – I have been put in a place of “being different” than my coworker for no other reason than to “protect religion/marriage”.  I contend that is not equality.  Just as if a religion, who requires boys to be circumcised as a religious right, demand birth certificates for those who choose to NOT circumcise  a “Civil Certificate” instead of a “Birth Certificate”.  Whether or not you agree, at the very core we are segregating based on religious beliefs and that is not equality under our Constitution.
  • I do not accept that my legal marriage destroys your marriage, if I am allowed legally to have one – any more than a drug addict causes you to take drugs.  It still allows you to believe that same-sex marriage is wrong and you have the right to never, ever do it yourself.  Further, your status of a legally married person does not get limited, watered down.  When I got married legally in the State of New York, there was not a line of straight married couples whose marriages became less meaningful, real, or legal.  In fact, my very same-sex RELATIONSHIP has not changed anything about yours.  But, you might argue the “idea and traditions will be shattered”.  Again, what about all those atheists getting married?  What about multiple marriages after multiple divorces?   What aren’t you seeking to block THOSE hinderances to “traditional marriage”.  What is YOUR traditional marriage definition?  I have two co-workers who can’t agree on this; one says it means never getting divorced and staying married until you die.  The other says it means marriage between a man and a woman.  When I asked why both believe that, they say, “it’s always been that way”.  (I won’t argue that divorce has been around since Moses’ time – that is another conversation all together!).  You get the drift – why does ONE view get escalated above others?  What makes it truly right?  Do we, as Americans, demand that every law tie directly back to OUR version of the Bible?  That is not upholding the Constitution to me, because my view is that all Americans have a right to Religious Freedom, which includes NOT believing what I believe or anything else.  So using Biblical Principles (for which I follow closely, by the way) to define marriage as between one man and one woman “as God intended” is in direct contrast with Freedom of Religion.
  • This whole premise just really categorizes Americans, which is really a duplication of something I’ve already said.  But WHY do we as Americans fight so hard to keep everyone in boxes, either to elevate or demonize?  Why can’t EVERYONE sit at the counter for lunch?  Why, instead, or we suggesting that we build TWO counters – one for straights, one for gays – and then everyone will be happy?  Because that right away creates TWO lines to get into the restaurant (or some point of “weeding out” straights and gays).  And that makes it clear, the MAJORITY of straight people want me to stay away from them.  And that is not equality.
  • To sum it up, Civil Unions (to ME) says “your union is not moral enough/sacred enough/accepted enough/mainstream enough/whatever enough to be called a marriage”.  And that is not equality.  And that is not American.

So, now I need to go to work, where I pay my taxes each paycheck like any good American.  And this American is looking forward to the day that I can get married, like my co-worker that sits next to me, looks like me, works like me, and maybe even votes like me.  But the laws today say they have something I don’t, even as I pay taxes, avoid breaking the law, etc.  I can appreciate ANY American not liking my sexual orientation and agree it’s not cool when LGBT shove it in people’s faces.  But I don’t like a lot of things about Americans around me (and I am not talking about “illegal activity”) but is it okay for me to create law after law to control things I don’t like?  No smoking, no more fast food and fat Americans, no more broccoli because it’s just gross, my parents never ate sushi so why should Americans?  You get it.  America is not one to dictate our beliefs, but this whole “traditional marriage” thing smells of dictatorship to me – not the belief part, but the forcing those beliefs on all Americans.

Again, I am curious as to WHY you believe what you do.  But please remember to be kind!  And thanks for honoring my right to freedom of speech.

Chick-Fil-A – The Right to An Opinion

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

I have no issue with Mr. Cathy or anyone else sharing their opinion.  Lord knows, I’ve spent a week or so reading how I am repugnant, an abomination, want to kill Christians or at least persecute their faith, and a whole lot of other claims that are, in a word, ridiculous.  And in another word, hurtful.  But even still, that’s Mr. Cathy’s right as an American to believe what he wants, spend what he has on whatever law or platform, share it with a religious publication, etc……

But I cannot ignore this anymore.  And instead of trying to explain MY beliefs or insist that me SHARING them is not trying to shut up the Christian Platform……I will instead share this post.  Please read it with an open mind, at least as my friend.

Dealing With Hysteria

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

Okay, I almost WISH I could be treated for Hysteria, but then what would you think of me?

I am instead referring to two things; first, the “catch all” diagnosis of pretty much every female symptom that may arise and their related treatment for centuries, and secondly the movie Hysteria, which chronicles real events in the fictional realm.  This was a funny, frustrating, and eye opening movie that had a pretty good story line, though some aspects were a bit easy to predict.  However, it DOES bring to mind a big part of world history and also the creation and continued popularity of the “electric massager”.  Brand names have included the “Jolly Molly”, among others.

I will not talk much more about this movie or the related topic, but feel free to follow the link and subsequent links to find out more!  And women, unite!  Let’s stick together and fight that hysteria!  đŸ™‚

Hear Hear for the Big C!

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

That would be “courtesy”!

cour·te·sy/ˈkərtəsē/

Noun:
  1. The showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others.
  2. A polite speech or action, esp. one required by convention.
I have touched on this topic a time or two, and as was the case in previous years, today I am really talking about the LACK of courtesy that exists today (at least in my viewable world).  Some recent examples of this sad phenomenon:
  • Being pushed by a grown man as he fought to get into the airport tram ahead of me
  • People walking through doors and not spending 1.25 seconds to hold it open for the directly person behind them
  • Consistently slamming the door leading to your shared office when entering or existing, over and over again, even though its been shared that it is loud and disruptive
  • Tailgating
  • Just being oblivious – for example, walking through a grocery store as if no one else is around, your cart is not hitting others, your stopping abruptly has no consequences, and merging into “main aisles” is non existent.
  • Not offering others something when you’re getting something to drink
  • Not waiting for everyone to be served at a group meal before starting to eat
  • Using other’s items without their permission
  • Always talking about yourself and never listening to others’ stories

You get the drift.  And let me tell you, I have been guilty of most of the above items in my life, so this post is NOT “Gina is perfect”.  But I guess I just wanted to remind myself and maybe the 2.78 readers here that it takes US to spread courtesy to those around us.  It doesn’t start when someone ELSE does it (although I admit it doesn’t hurt) but in reality we can only control ourselves.  I am adding COURTESY to my daily desire to walk in the Love of Christ, because they are first cousins.  And I hope that you can do so as well.

Hear hear for courtesy!

Experiencing The Small Things

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

This weekend there was a bit of recovery for me.  Recovery from my surgery, recovery from this weird stomachache thing.  Refreshing.  Relaxing.  Retiring.

And, though it does seem weird to be here, I am learning to SEE and HEAR things that I normally miss while in my normal focused “busy-ness” of life.  My cat cleans himself…..a lot!  There are tons of birds in my backyard and their singing has soothed my spirit several times this weekend.  The kids wrestle more than I realized.  Deana receives lots of texts.  Even on FB pages focused on grace, there is lots of judgment.  And the list goes on…..

I guess I am saying, “nothing special” occurred this weekend.  No riveting stories or monumental changes splashed their way into my mind, emotions, or face.  Yet…….I feel more whole somehow.  More serene.  More balanced.

Maybe there IS something to experiencing the small things in our life!  Maybe it doesn’t need to include expensive toys or elaborate trips or extensive activities that suck the energy out of all involved.  Maybe it’s sitting next to the one you love, not really even saying anything with words but knowing it’s the best seat in the world.  Maybe its hearing the giggles of your children and wondering at their unending creativity and ability to make fun out of almost nothing.  Maybe its looking at your teenage son, so tall now, and listening to his recap of his weekend’s baseball games.  Maybe its taking a moment to realize how good you really DO have it, even for just a moment, and smiling with a joy that lives in the very core of your being.

And that, my friend, is when I realized how much the Lord really, truly loves me – for through this all I know He has pulled me onto His very lap and loved me beyond words!  đŸ™‚

Academy Awards 2012: Albert Nobbs

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

Well this movie received three nominations; Best Actress (Glenn Close), Best Supporting Actress (Janet McTeer), and Best Achievement in Makeup.

I have to share that I pushed back when I learned from Deana that we were going to see this movie last night.  I mean, on our official Academy Award Need to See list, this ranked much lower than others.  It wasn’t even a Best Picture contender!  So I was not overly thrilled.  That sentiment went well into the credits leading up to the main show.  And I will admit that I held onto my stubbornness well into it.

The summary of this movie is “Glenn Close plays a woman passing as a man in order to work and survive in 19th century Ireland. Some thirty years after donning men’s clothing, she finds herself trapped in a prison of her own making.”

This movie had a compelling story and the acting from Glenn Close and Janet McTeer were very good.  I had to relent to these facts as the movie continued, and the reality of the storyline and conflicts of real life that were portrayed were very moving.  I would recommend you seeing this film, especially if you’re interested in historical social issues and the lengths humans will go to survive.

BUT, I am nowhere close to saying either will walk away with an Oscar.  I was not moved hugely by this film, and though it was thought provoking, it didn’t invade my brain like the others have.  I do rate it higher than Money Ball at this point, but that’s about it.

I know it’s early in the process, and perhaps my stubbornness is still there, but we shall see once I see more movies.

Academay Awards 2012: Extremely Loud & Moneyball

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

Okay, true to form, Deana and I have furiously started (as always, a bit late) our Academy Award viewing.  I may have mentioned this last year, but finding some movies is a bit more difficult in Dallas than it was in California, but we remain hopeful!

Plan of attack this year is similar to previous years – Best Pictures for sure, as many documentaries and foreign films as possible, and throw in some awesome actors and actresses.  Let the games begin!

Today, we went to see Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.  This film is up for Best Picture and Best Supporting Actor (Max Von Sydow).  It also gets, if you follow the news, the biggest gasp as it has been thoroughly thrown out by critics in general.  All I really knew about this movie before heading to the theater (and really, I thought we were going to see The Artist, so there you go…..) was that Deana had mistakingly told me she wanted to see the “movie that Robin Williams is in”.  (Note:  she didn’t think he was in it, she just said the wrong name.  :))  So, I went in pretty open minded.

129 minutes later, and probably 14 napkins worth of nose blowing, I was in shock.  I expected SOME sadness, as I should have admitted I knew 9/11 was involved, but I SOBBED through this movie!  And it was not so much the story that got me there, but it was the amazing acting, especially of Thomas Horn as the 9-year-old trying to make sense of things and Max Von Sydow.  Incidentally, Max doesn’t say ONE WORD in this film, and yet he communicated SO much!

This is a heavy film for sure.  Since it involves “the worst day” of 9/11, emotions (at least for me) were easy to feel.  If you are having a bad day or need a pick-me-up, this is NOT the movie for you!  But if you’re interested in real emotions, real confusion, and if it’s okay that you won’t have all the answers……coupled with some amazing acting, see this moving!

Moneyball was viewed in the comfort of our home thanks to the amazing Verizon Fios technology we possess.  This movie has more nominations; Best Picture, Best Actor (Brad Pitt), Best Supporting Actor (Jonah Hill), and Best Adapted Screenplay.  This was a moving story based on real events related to the Oakland A’s and GM Billy Beane.  It was realistic and I do have to say Jonah did a great job (and kudos to him today for losing so much weight!).  But I tell ya, I spent more time googling Billy on my iPhone to read his biography because, well…..I was kind of bored.  I mean, the movie seemed disjointed in a few places, Brad Pitt (who still looks pretty good, btw) seemed like……well…….Brad Pitt and not Billy, and I don’t know.  Baseball?  I’d rather remember the Titans.  But to be fair, having just seen Extremely Loud and having such a strong emotional reaction, I may be reacting a bit hard on Moneyball.

For new readers to my recaps, I will share my “votes” once I’ve seen everything.  But as of right now, Extremely Loud has taken the lead.

Remembering 9/11 on its 10th Anniversary

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

I wrote this in 2001, re-posted it again in 2005, and still  the memories are very fresh…..

A Day of Horror and Sadness….

“Our nation was horrified, but its not going to be terrorized. We’re a great nation, we’re a nation of resolve, we’re a nation that can’t be cowed by evil doers…” President George W. Bush, September 16, 2001.

As I sit here and type this, I have been through a similar week as you…..I watched in horror as so many of our fellow citizens died tragically and without good reason. I don’t need to tell you the details; you have heard them all week on TV, radio, through the internet, in magazines, and in the papers. September 11, 2001 will forever be remembered.

We all need to stand behind our President and this country and I pray for its future during this most disturbing time. I pray for the families that have irrevocably been affected by this action against our country. I pray for the thousands of people who, at this very moment, continue to search for survivors and who are planning this country’s response to terrorists abroad.

Having said that, I must thank the heroes that are nameless. Let us not forget all that have come together to help heal this country. For the neighbor that is hanging their flag(s) proudly, for the stranger on the street who now will notice when others need help, for those who will risk their lives to save others. We are Americans and will stand together even in this horrible time. I am proud to be associated with so many heroes and strive to be one myself.

Finally, I ask all who are reading this to know Jesus loves you and wants to have a personal relationship with you. Some of you know this, but if you think of God as a mysterious or unattainable “thing” (or even non-existent), please reconsider. Tuesday was a reminder of how short our lives really are, and I must attest that without Him in my life, Tuesday would have sent me into an abyss of hopelessness.

New York and Washington – yes, the entire country – were changed forever on Tuesday. I know in my heart, however, that the change will be for the better…..no one can tear us down!

Here are some heroic stories taken from http://www.msnbc.com. I hope you feel a proud as I do to be an American:

When Maria Trotta, who was stuck in a subway under the trade center for 45 minutes, finally emerged from the smoke-filled subway, the smoke was even worse above ground. But instead of running home, she took care of a woman who had asthma. “I went looking for a mask for her, but couldn’t find any, but the only thing I could find was a pair of (fortunately clean) athletic socks,” Trotta said. She guided her several blocks, finally leaving her in the care of EMTs at a rescue station. Only then did she walk across Manhattan Bridge back home to Brooklyn to meet her husband. “I never got her name.”

Stephen Krause of Union, N.J., said his wife — who is seven months pregnant — works for Salomon Smith Barney and was in front of the World Trade Center when the attack began. A woman she didn’t know stayed with her for hours, taking a six-mile walk around Manhattan until the pair finally managed to get on a ferry back to New Jersey. “The woman stayed with her the entire time…. She got her water, too, and wouldn’t leave my wife,” Krause said.

Much of the real heroism came from fire and police workers at the rescue scene. A New York City police officer who declined to share his name was carrying victims out of Five World Trade Center when it collapsed. “The fire department was getting people out from the rubble, and we [the police officers] were carrying them out,” he said. “I carried some out and was going back in to get more, but they wouldn’t let me back in. They said the structure was unstable. That’s when the second tower collapsed.” He said many victims were still inside, and several were still alive after the collapse — and too stunned to yell for help. ”(People) were dazed and shocked. It was surreal. I’ve never seen anything remotely like it. There just are no words to describe it,” he said.

Across New York, thousands of volunteers pitched in. Store owners opened their doors and gave away flashlights, water, food or anything else that would help rescue workers or victims forced to walk home to Brooklyn, Queens, New Jersey or elsewhere once public transportation was shut down. A Duane Reade pharmacy gave out free water, snacks and first aid supplies. A Mrs. Fields Cookies gave away all its food.

God Bless America!!!!