Learn from Me! End of Monday Humor

So, last Friday I had “a day”…..that ultimately led to another trip to the hospital.  And, as a 42-year-old, I had several perceptions of things that proved to be COMPLETELY WRONG.  So, being the talented, gregarious, and giving person that I am (not to mention, extremely humble!) I thought I’d share my new-found info with you, too!

The Shattered Fallacies no longer held by Gina:

  • If a doctor tells you a procedure should not cause pain, bring the pain meds anyway – you never know when the procedure will kick something else into play!
  • If you tell your doc that you’re allergic to Demerol. always ask if the meds he has prescribed is derived from Demerol OR ELSE THE RESULTS MAY BE VERY UNPLEASANT FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.  (But it DOES help if you’re trying to get sympathy from the ER Nurse who has the power to administer pain meds.)
  • If you are ever in pain and you think, “hey, it will be too hard to drive to the hospital – I will call 911 and then the paramedics can give me pain meds, STAT!”, don’t bother.  They DO NOT give you pain meds!  Even if you beg.  Even if you cry.  Even if you warn them that you’re Italian and THIS CLOSE to kicking some paramedic butt!
  • If you are ever in pain and you think, “hey,I can’t drive fast and through red lights – I will call 911 and then the paramedics will turn on their sirens and get me there, STAT!”, don’t bother.  They DO NOT turn on the sirens, or drive through red lights, unless you are dying.  And excruciating pain does NOT constitute dying.  Note to self – the Italian threats are not very effective.
  • If you are ever in pain and you think, “hey, I have heard paramedics and firemen are totally hot – I will call 911 and at the very least I will see some amazing eye candy!”, don’t bother.  At least for me, every one of the paramedics were, let’s say, “robust”.  No eye candy.  Seriously!  Not even a hint.  And, quite frankly, I think they just had Mongolian for lunch because, truth be told, every one of them had BAD halitosis!

Some things I appreciate learning:

  • Paramedics are TALKATIVE during the long, slow, mellow ride.  But they DO react well to, “can we cut the chit chat?!?!!?!”
  • They are also very receptive to, “Honestly, to me, pain level of 10 means I have to concentrate, so I can’t really talk right now.”
  • Those breathing masks that cover your whole face?  They are very claustrophobic, but EXCELLENT at distracting you from your pain!  Nothing like panic to mask things!  I never thought I’d admit this, but anxiety is great therapy!
  • Morphine is, how shall I say, FREAKING AWESOME!  I think I have a crush.  Marry me, Morphine.

Okay, lame I know, but I am on drugs and all.  Gina OUT!

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