I have had my turns with Destiny. I have faced Her directly and I have also ran into her when I wasn’t paying attention. Per the Merriam-Webster dictionary, destiny is “a predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency”.
Well, I have faced destiny many times and, for many years, I held to the thought that my destiny was such:
- To be used by God in all that I do.
- To be a loving and honorable daughter, always held in esteem especially with my father
- To be a wonderful wife
- To be a success professional
I guess those look more like GOALS than items of destiny. But for many years I truly thought those items WERE my destiny! So what happens when I fall OUT of that destiny? What if I don’t feel God using me? What if the reactions of my parents indicate I am not longer their loving and honorable daughter? What happens when I get divorced? What if my career falls apart?
Well, some people like me might try to get things rolling by seeing a professional. They may even be VERY specific about telling me what my destiny is, perhaps even straight out telling me where I need to be, how things will fall into place, with whom, and everything. Yes, I am talking about a psychic. Yeah, it gets all exciting when all that info runs through your head and you think of the possibilities and the great news up ahead. But that, too, is not destiny and it is always foolish to buy in to such shenanigans to form your future steps or to act a certain way. Believe me, some of the things I was told gave me a sense of hope and excitement and I fell pretty hard when I figured out it was bogus. So, epic fail. (For my 2.78 readers, especially Christians, no need to get on your horses of disdain at this point.)
So, after a year of reflection, soul searching, and research, I realized an amazing thing – I have no freaking control, really. I am not even sure Destiny exists! But instead, there are some truths I have under-covered:
- I am a beautifully made individual. I have the love of my God, who will not forsake me. He doesn’t need me to accomplish anything. And the very moment I learned that, I think I became much more useful to Him!
- I do not need the (expressed) love of my parents or their acceptance to love them back. Whether or not they see the honor I extend to them with my very life, it does not make it not exist. And I will walk each day doing my best to carry in my actions this love for them in every facet of my life. And I do so with great appreciation for them, especially my father.
- Yes, my first marriage failed. It is too complicated to accept all blame. But that will not mean my new marriage will be a failure, or that history will repeat itself. I am hard pressed to acknowledge I am not perfect (gasp!) but will, with the love I hold for my spouse, walk in that love and yearn to be the best I can be.
- I have realized I put too much of my identity in the career I hold. While I will always do my best, work my hardest, and always yearn to improve, my job is NOT my identity. It really never was either, but I was too silly to realize that.
- My real destiny, if such thing exist, is to love my God and love my neighbor. Easier said than done! But heck, at least I can focus my efforts.
Having been on tons of drugs to address the bronchitis, ear infection, and the beginnings of a sinus infection I have (which really started 12/30/09, can you imagine?) I think I should end this blog entry now. Whew, typing is pretty darn hard!