So I am sitting on my bed at home, too tired to sleep (?!), a symbolic pillow shoved in my head, with a cup of coffee, a box of tissues, and my beloved MacBook Pro. Nyquil is running through my veins (I wish you could see how many typing errors I’ve had to correct!)
I hate to be sick – not just for the obvious reasons, but because I don’t like to miss work and do nothing. Yet, I am not focused enough right now to finish my last essay – and that sucks. Oh wait, Deana doesn’t like that word……so it bites. And then I wonder, what makes a word “bad”? Like gay….it used to be a word for happiness and now, well, most people think of something else. Or even the word “bad”, which can sometimes mean good. Hell, I think I am on a drug induced ride right now. Oh wait, maybe I should not have said hell…..
And then I wonder, why do I think I know people? I mean, know them enough to think I can describe how they will be if they are promoted or under stress or whatever. Or why am I surprised to realize I have become very close with someone that I never expected too….so much that I can be myself? Well, that probably doesn’t make much sense – blame the Nyquil, but I am sitting here amazed that I am missing some very dear friends right now more than I thought possible. And all because of a freaking cold! Damn.
Then I am wondering, what makes people insecure? Is it because they need more than others? Or is it because they don’t realize how much they are loved, esteemed, valued…..fill in the word. How does one balance between feeling overly confident and insecure? Why do some fall apart when they make a mistake and another shrug with indifference? How does one find the middle ground?
Oh now I KNOW I am sick! LOL
Okay, I was hoping to burn time with this post – which I have, but more deleting my typos than anything else – yet the day is still young! Sigh.
My friends (whom I miss so much) and my enemies (I even miss you!), I must now leave.