character

On A Journey

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

This is an unplanned post – skipping my next installment of the Confederate Flag/Bobby story for a moment – to take you through a quick jog to review a journey I’ve been on for a couple weeks. I hope, by doing so, it encourages you.

Without going into too many personal details, my life has gone through a dramatic change which was unplanned and somewhat from left field. It included lies or at least promises that never existed in order to “blind” me, and it included being told descriptions about myself that had not occurred, or at least did not occur in the way I was told they did. For two weeks, I have been assessing myself, my recent past, asking for honest feedback from various people, going through the last couple years with a fine tooth comb…….and during that process I began to take on the yolk of a person I didn’t know. There was the horrible person I was introduced to two weeks ago, and the person those who provided feedback and who I more recognized. As is most often the case in life, the truth is probably somewhere in between.

But here’s the thing – I just accepted the horrible definition of me that I was given two weeks ago. Even though it didn’t really resonate with me. Even if it didn’t really add up to my daily approach to life or the ethos I thought defined my existence. Like a baby elephant that is chained to a stick as it is trained to be in captivity, I was slowly accepting this definition of me. Had I stayed with that acceptance process, my theoretical trainer would have been able to remove the chain from my leg and I would not wander off.

Instead, I’ve turned to focusing on my personal strength and noting how my actions align with them. You too can do this by doing to VIA Character Survey and seeing your core strengths.

My goal is doing this was to seek alignment and my true identity and not let others define who I am. To note my behaviors that feed those characteristics, the evidence that feeds those characteristics, and also to build up aspects of my character that may need some attention. To better use my character strength to overcome challenges and to remind myself I HAVE STRENGTHS. This process has been a fruitful endeavor.

You all have strengths and I encourage you to take the quiz. I am sharing my top 5 here as part of my own exercise as well as to show you that when we focus on our STRENGTHS, great things happen!

  1. Love Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing & caring are reciprocated; being close to people. VIRTUE CATEGORY: HUMANITY
  2. Honesty Speaking the truth but more broadly presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way; being without pretense; taking responsibility for one’s feelings and actions.VIRTUE CATEGORY: COURAGE
  3. Humor Liking to laugh and tease; bringing smiles to other people; seeing the light side; making (not necessarily telling) jokes.VIRTUE CATEGORY: TRANSCENDENCE
  4. Social intelligence Being aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick. VIRTUE CATEGORY: HUMANITY
  5. Bravery Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; speaking up for what’s right even if there’s opposition; acting on convictions even if unpopular; includes physical bravery but is not limited to it.VIRTUE CATEGORY: COURAGE

And just for reference, my last place character, which I confirm should be there ha:

24, Prudence Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted. VIRTUE CATEGORY: TEMPERANCE

Do not allow others to define who you are by using your character to suggest you are horrible.

For those that personally know me, I’d love to hear if you think these make sense!

Making A Difference

/ Gina Marie / Leave a comment

While I have partaken in the recent wave of ALS Ice Bucket Challenges (www.alsa.org) , and while I am confused by the “controversy” that so many are talking about regarding this wave…..this post is not about that topic.  Although, I will add, if you’re looking to donate to a worthy cause, ALS is one of them worth considering.

HOWEVER, this blog post is about “making a difference”, which has been a topic that has touched my life for a long time, though it has been rumbling around in my noggin a bit more lately.  I have always wanted to “make a difference”, and that is the root of this post.

I think it’s fair to say most people want to make a difference in some way.  I know that is true for me.  I try to find ways to make a difference as I can; donate to good causes, pray for those in need, pay my taxes with a smile.  You get the drift.  At times these activities make me feel good about humanity, and good about myself.  I imagine you can relate to that as well.  But this week I had a revelation that pulled me beyond the normal “making a difference” ideas – we all make a difference, everyday, in almost every interaction we hold.

What?  It’s true.

You see, we are not islands.  We interact with people everywhere, throughout the day.  And our very beings “make a difference” no matter if it is conscious or not.  When we walk down the street, if we smile at someone walking the opposite direction, that smile can turn a horrible day into a sparkle of hope.  I contend that NOT smiling to that person also has potential for altering that person’s day.  When you get cutoff on the freeway, honk your horn and maybe flip a “sign”, you can make the other driver more angry and maybe even irrational (believe me, I can attest to that).  When your flight is cancelled and you see a frazzled gate attendant trying to assist dozens of ticked off travelers in addition to you (and if that “you” is me, chances are cranky is accurate), a kind word can go a long way and make them persevere just a bit longer.  When a young mother is struggling to get through a door with a massive stroller, your inaction in assisting or action in assisting both make a difference in her day.  We make differences, all day, everyday.

I hope I – and maybe you – can move away from the idea that “making a difference” is exclusively making donations, or quitting jobs to “join the ministry” or doing something huge.  Not to say those are actions don’t make a difference; they do!  Making a difference is more vast than these noble acts.  And making differences are good and bad.  My goal is to make POSITIVE differences, but fully admit that is not always the case.  But I have challenged myself to notice humanity around me.  Notice that humans that I may dislike or that may cause me frustration or that honestly are easier not to notice in the first place are worthy for me to make a difference on behalf of.  To notice things when I am knee deep in situations of my own, stressful or huge or serious…..it doesn’t matter!  We humans are in this together and my issues don’t trump others around me, per se.  To admit that simple gestures such as smiles, or courtesy, can make huge differences for others.  That “loving your neighbor” is not exclusively a huge outpouring in action, but finds its strength in the mundane.  And really, “making a difference” should be more about “loving your neighbor”  than about us.  And believe me, when it is about me I can attest I am more often making a NEGATIVE difference than anything else.   So, for me, I am approaching the idea of “making a difference”, differently.  And, no matter what I may be going through today or tomorrow, this brings me great excitement.  I hope it is contagious!