Disclaimer: This post totally lives up to the “Just Rambling” name, with no subject, no thesis, no nothing……..
Why can’t seeing people suffer with untreatable diseases be easier to handle? I don’t know, that made me realize how I struggle to take control of things. I want to fix this or deal with that. I want to move and shake and make things happen. And sometimes, well, I can’t! And that – excuse my French – pisses me off. But, at the same time, I cringe when well meaning individuals shake their hands at God for not healing someone or for not stopping a tragedy from happening. I mean, most would say they wouldn’t want God controlling their lives day-to-day…..like telling them how to speak or how fast to drive or what to wear or whether or not to drink or dance or whatever. But often, when something BAD happens, He’s the first to be blamed!
I say, sheesh, free will goes both ways people! And God never promised us a non-tough life.
Anyway, I totally have control issues. I want to be all things to all people…..well, maybe all things to some people. And I can’t. And I want to make everyone happy or comfortable or relaxed. Sometimes I succeed, but often I fail. Or I become “the Gina of the moment”, which really means I am trying to be what I THINK they want me to be. I am better at not doing that, but sheesh. Hard work.
So tonight I am trying not to control things. Have been trying to write lyrics to a song I wrote last December over Christmas called “Butterflies”. It’s a little difficult….partly because that moment is gone, partly because I am just not in the mood to write lyrics. Usually I write lyrics, then the music. Sometimes, like with my song Wasted, I wrote the music first. Not that ANY of my songs are worthy of much more than giving me something to do, but I DO enjoy it very much! I guess that’s another re-focus I can work on…..making music for ME and not expecting anyone else to even care!
On that note, I DO miss playing the drums very much – mostly with a band duh. There’s something to be said for melding with a band. A few months ago Edgar and I were listening to some older song we did in the 90’s….listening to his brother Eric’s guitar playing…..listening to more recent recordings from me playing at church. It’s kind of surreal on both counts – looking back at “our youth” like that, and also realizing wow! That was some awesome fun times and the music was pretty good, too! But mostly I miss FEELING the music, becoming a part of it, knowing exactly what is needed and when, and only dropping a drumstick once in a while…..
And that reminds me! At my last “corporate” job, we had staff meetings every week which included worship time. I was the main drummer for a while…..I think it was during Christmas one year and I was kind of bored. Drums are not that big with Christmas carols, you know? Anyway, one song DID have drums of sorts and I was playing, but being kind of blasé with everything. It was a moment when the music was playing but people were praying. All of a sudden, I hit the high hat coming up with the drumstick in my right hand and BAM – it flew out of my hand and landed JUST out of reach to my left. Dang! So I tried to cover the best I could, stretching out my foot trying to get the stick, and was relieved that no one saw the fiasco happen. (I say, yeah for praying!) Then, later in the day while in the galley getting coffee, Wendy (accounting chick) comes up to me and says, “Gina, I so saw you drop the drumstick! You were trying to be so sly!” Do you know how many years I had to hear about that! LOL
So anyway, if you know of old people trying to be young with a band who needs a drummer, let me know!
Oh, and I haven’t forgotten about the Disneyland pics…..but I think they were accidenally deleted. Still checking. In the mean time, here are some funny ones from Easter. Yeah, sorry I didn’t get dolled up for these……you can see them by clicking here. It is stored in Facebook, so email or comment me if you have any problems.
OH, and I was fortunate enough to have a massage last night at a location here in SCV called Massage Envy! They are GREAT, reasonably priced, and boy did they get the stress out of me for HALF the cost of Glen Ivy! If you are near this area, let me know and I can get you discount entrance! Seriously!