A short clip instead of a formal blog!
Ramblings
Our American Ethos
Having just celebrated the USA’s 243rd birthday, combined with the fact I just finished two weeks in Europe, I have been thinking much about what makes my country of birth great. Our constitution is pretty amazing, for sure. The freedoms it promises I often take for granted and explaining differences abroad to the kids made me feel proud. The diversity we have also makes me smile, especially when I consider the bulk of my life was spent in Southern California where dozens of countries were represented with my neighbors alone. And, as much as I love pasta, it’s nice that within 20 minutes of my home I can eat at least 6 different ethnic meals. The list could go on and on.
However, being abroad also made me see outside of my “normal” in many different ways. Throughout my life, but most especially in the last few years, living in the US has started to expose our collective need to separate, to divide while also highlighting a patriotism that seems like a stranger to me. In sometimes tacit fashion, the definition for a “true American” has become blurred to me. We have all seen the viral videos of white Americans confronting others who are not speaking English (here is one such incident but there are many, many more https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/412647-woman-demands-to-see-passports-of-spanish-speaking-family-at). Many of us are either decrying the “dangerous people storming our borders”, or are watching in pain as hundreds of children are being held for weeks at a time without basic necessities such as water, toothbrushes, and compassion. But that is another post in itself.
In our country, there is this “rule” that you must speak English to be truly American, at least it feels that way. While no language has been designated as official for this country, most agree that English is needed for success in this land. In the 1980’s, a push was made to make English the official language, originally so that federal funds could be allocated for language classes for immigrants so that they’d have an easier time getting work and establishing themselves in American society. Shortly thereafter, it was morphed from that to a way to “keep America great” but assuring that English (aka “white Americans”) would retain its place in this country. That push was influenced by Nationalists (some of the racist bent, but not all). It went from a way to help immigrants to succeed to forcing immigrants to turn their backs on their heritage and, yes, even give room for English-speaking Americans to confront and belittle anyone who dared to speak another language on our sacred soil. Had I read that information a few years ago, I’d have scoffed. But the reality is, today that is abundantly true.
So it is with great disappointment that I’d like to share that this American Ethos is quite literally BS. Not only because I believe our country was meant to be an amazing experiment in democracy and DIVERSITY, but because it is extremely hypocritical. In the last two weeks, I have been to Paris, Florence, Pompeii, Positano, and Rome. THE MAJORITY of every person I interacted with spoke at least some English. Deana and I tend to avoid tourist stops when shopping and eating, and we were often off the “beaten path”. You’d think that we’d encounter people who did not speak English. We were surprised. Even years ago in a small town about 8 hours from Moscow, we met many people who could converse with us in English. Our own ability to speak the local language recently and in Russia was horrible, at best.
I’ve even met some people at my work’s Buenos Aires location that have never been to England or the USA who speak English. When I am there, I try my best to speak Spanish, but let’s be real – had the tables been turned and I moved there to work, I am confident that if I spoke to my family in English I would not be confronted or ridiculed.
Some of you reading this might be thinking, “well, the USA is important so it makes sense that the world speaks our language.” I don’t disagree with you. But what I AM trying to say is, we are a lazy bunch. Somehow we’ve moved from patriotism to Nationalism. Nationalism is ” identification with one’s own nation and support for its interests, especially to the exclusion or detriment of the interests of other nations.” In doing so, we want everyone to bow to us (or our language, our preferences, our definition of anything) while we also expect to be accepted “as is” when we enter into other nations. We don’t put our own requirements on ourselves and hold onto our language of birth in arrogance and maybe even defiance. We want to say we are better than others because of where we were born while paying big bucks to visit other countries for vacation. We often don’t even invest much of our time to learn other languages and just expect them to be able to meet our needs on our terms when we are there.
This was a humbling lesson to experience in real time, to discuss with our youngest kids, and to remember that all humans have a right to live in this world. I am a Proud American, but that does not mean pride is exclusive to me and mine. We are better than that people!
Peace.
The Day I Met Grace
Many of you may not know this, but my family and I moved to North Carolina in late May. While the move has been a positive one, it took place when – for lack of better words – this country has been in a mess of turmoil. Racism, political polarization, social media bullying, and religious noise seemed to be the norm……and for me, it meant my personal life and attitude was being hugely impacted negatively. Day in and day out it was becoming harder to find something positive to focus on, and for me that meant despondency was my first and strongest thought on most days.
de·spond·en·cy
dəˈspändənsē/
noun
-
a state of low spirits caused by loss of hope or courage.
I pretty much had lost hope and did not demonstrate much courage in my life. Day in and day out. It sucked.
While this was happening, something else was occurring as well. For, on each drive from my new home to work, on the corner of Midway School Road and Thomas School Road, a black woman stood each morning waving to passing cars. As she waved, her face was alive with the brightest and most sincere smile I had seen in quite some time. At first, my reaction was to think, “gah, that woman is crazy. Doesn’t she know how screwed up we humans are? Her mornings would be better spent somewhere else.” But as each day passed, and no matter if I passed at 7am or 8:45am, she’d be out there waving and smiling brightly to each and every vehicle that passed. Her arm would be raised high and with confidence, as if attempting to throw out the joy that was so evident on her face.
This daily event was “no big deal” to me, at least I convinced myself of that fact at first. She was just doing something that made no sense, and while my attitude moved from the idea of her being crazy to more like apathy towards her actions, I could not shake her beaming, smiling face. The only time I would not see it would be on rainy days, and when that would happen I realized I would actually feel disappointment. Maybe even concern……I wondered if she was okay……until I realized she never came out if it rained. And slowly, with each passing day, I realized I was trying to smile at others more as the residue of her smile seemed often to be reverberating in my own mind. “Gosh, that smile is contagious…….maybe I should wear one once in a while, too……”
The truth is, my friends, after weeks and weeks of passing this person, I had to acknowledge something – she was changing my life. Day after day, she was sending love to me in a world where hate seemed to reign. No matter her religion, her social standing, her race, her gender, her sexuality, or her political affiliation, she waved and smiled and connected with strangers all morning long. She connected with ME. Sincerely. Physically. Consistently. She seemed to care SO MUCH about this, she invested hours each non-rain morning spreading this message with no expectation of return. And it was working out a miracle in my heart and thoughts.
When I finally formed these realizations in my own mind, I was shocked. And, in that shock, a flicker of hope sparked in the depths of my soul……and it felt good. Courage began to spread deep in my gut and I could not contain it. I felt energized for the first time in months in a way that reminded me of the Gina that used to exist; one that knew it was okay to believe in a future that was not all bad.
So, the next day I decided I had to meet this person “for real”. When I got to that corner, I pulled over, shut my car off, and began to walk toward the woman that initiated this change in me. As I got closer, almost feeling the power of her smile as cars passed by, I was surprised to see she was much older than I had expected. Her raised arm was so feeble and aged, I was surprised it could sustain the hours of waving it accomplished everyday. She was also tiny, MUCH smaller than she appeared as I flew by her day after day. I started to feel a bit nervous as I took each step, something my extroverted personality rarely feels, and also careful not to scare her. I quickly introduced myself and as she turned her gaze to me, she shook my hand and said, “Hello, I am Grace.”
grace
ɡrās/
noun
1.
simple elegance or refinement of movement.
2.
(in Christian belief) the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.
To be continued……….
Voices of Americans
You know, those who know me personally, know I love America. Even on its worse day, the country of my birth is pretty darn amazing. The freedoms we have here we often take for granted, and as someone who has been blessed by being able to travel internationally, I have seen the differences that exist around the world. One freedom I hold very dear is free speech; sure, I often am saddened or infuriated by some who utilize this right (can you say “God Hates Fags”?), but I would still stand up for their right to say it.
And that brings you to today’s “shake your head” moment – every American, whether you agree with them or not – has a right to share their views. Political views. Religious views. Those who have a larger platform than I do have a right to share it and to call us to stand up for whatever, and those who are “nobodies” have a right to climb onto a box and share theirs as well. We, as Americans, usually can decide whether we want to follow, agree with the statement, etc. But to say ANY American should not have a voice is blatantly disregarding the very core of our constitution.
Recently, I read the following post a friend shared on Facebook:
Dear Hollywood celebrities,
You only have a place in my world to entertain me. That’s it.
You make your living pretending to be someone else. You play dress up like a 6 year old. You live in a make believe world, in front of a camera, buffered from the everyday struggles of hard working Americans. Your entire existence depends on my patronage.
I’ll crank the organ, you dance.
I don’t really care where you stand on issues. You see, you aren’t real. I turn off my TV or shut down my computer and you cease to exist in my world. Once I am done with you, I can put you back in your little box until I want you to entertain me again. I hope you realize that the only words of yours that matter are scripted. In my world, you exist solely for my entertainment.
So, shut your pie hole and dance!
Many liked this post, and shared comments either laughing, saying “amen!”, or decrying actors and actresses for the incredulous act of voicing their beliefs publicly. In many scenarios, I have heard it said that “they are just actors, they should shut the hell up.”
However, I would like to offer up a few alternatives, because if you agree with the above and want to shut the voices of Americans who happen to be Hollywood celebrities, you open up the door to do the same in other venues. For example:
Dear Janitors,
You only have a place in my world to serve me, to clean up my mess. That’s it.
You make your living scrubbing my toilets or throwing away my trash. You probably dropped out of school and maybe even get government help on my dime. I have no idea if you are able to read, take drugs, or have had an intelligent conversation in your life. You obviously have no ambition in life, let alone have the capacity to have an opinion in areas such as politics. Your entire existence depends on my crap. Literally.
I’ll make a mess, you clean it up.
I don’t really care where you stand on issues. You see, I walk away from that toilet or trash can and you cease to exist in my world. Once I am done with my mess, I can put you out of my mind until I need you to clean for me again. I hope you realize that the only words of yours that matter are “let me get that for you”.
So, shut your pie hole and clean!
Many would say the above is offensive, but perhaps not the first “letter”. And to me, that is hypocrisy. Why would one job/social standing/income be excluded from constitutional rights while others are allowed to have a voice? Why does an American that has a job that makes more money be relegated to “dance”? Aren’t they just as American as you and me, even if we struggle more financially? And to THAT point, where are the letters to professional athletes, Wall Street Executives, or millionaire businessmen who made their money initially from family loans? Does the first letter suggest that OTHER people who are “buffered from everyday struggles” do not need to shut their pie hole?
Hmmmm.
Maybe the truth of the matter is this…….people who don’t agree with your political views need to shut their pie holes and dance. And that, my friends, is taking the constitution and spitting on it. And that, sadly, is where I believe we really exist today. But I will not stop loving America.
Questions
It has been ten months since my mom passed away. Of course, dealing with that has been a journey; sometimes something reminds me of my mom and I laugh, or sometimes I get tears in my eyes, and I often miss her. That is all normal…..to be expected. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror – especially when my hair is wet and slicked back away from my face – and I get a little freaked out because I look so much like her. Sometimes I just ruminate about my life with her, the moments we’ve shared, etc.
I have been traveling to Kentucky for work lately, and I never expected it to create such a stir with memories about my mom…….I never thought it would create a serious of questions that I have no way to answer. My mom moved to Los Angeles when she was two years old and lived in California the bulk of her life. When she and my dad divorced in the early 90’s, she was working for her brothers. However, some were retiring and eventually the company was sold. I BELIEVE my mom lost her job at that point. Not sure what she was going to do to support herself, she and a friend she met at work moved to Kentucky, where her friend grew up. I was a young mother at that time, focused on taking care of baby Kirstie and making my own marriage and life work, so I wasn’t as involved in my mom’s life as I usually would be. I remember we exchanged letters during this time, and honestly she was pretty bitter about her divorce and I emotionally pulled away since I felt I was put in the middle of it. But, the bottom line is she moved away from everyone she knew, went to a place where she basically knew no one, and was on her own.
Being here, I wonder where she lived. I wonder what she thought about the green hills, the pictures of horses everywhere, did she like the Bourbon BBQ that is so prevalent here? She ended up getting a job at a Taco Bell out here, she really couldn’t find work (the economy was struggling at the time) and I wonder how the heck that felt. I wonder if she was scared, if she felt isolated. In one of her letters she mentioned that there was only one phone in the neighborhood she lived in and the owner would take messages for the neighbors and it was difficult to connect. She said she got a message that someone called her but they didn’t think to get a name, so she wondered if it was me. Reading that letter in my mind now and being in this state triggered so many things to wonder about.
And that led me to so many other questions. My mom was born in 1935 – she was alive during all years of WWII and was 10 years old when it ended. How did that impact her life? Did she and her family have rations during this time? Did she fear Germans at this time, when Germany was easily the targeted “enemy”? Was she ever scared that the war would come to California? Does she remember the Japanese Internment Camps and what did she think about them? And why the hell did I never think to ask her about this? I know SO MUCH about my paternal Grandma during the depression, even about her early marriage during this timeframe, but not my own mother? I have no idea why. And now I can’t even ask my mom.
So, here I am early in the morning blogging about it. I feel a connection to my mom here in Kentucky and that also seems strange. But I guess while I write this as a form of personal therapy, I also yearn to remind you something you probably will nod at but maybe not think about again – treasure the time you have with family. Don’t take it for granted. Inquire about life details that may not seem important really now and maybe even feels mundane, but are actually pieces of gold that will be lost forever if you miss the opportunity to ask.
And mom, I miss you.
A Voice
Differences exist, everywhere. I personally have this weird aversion to tomatoes; it’s not that I dislike them, it’s more that I don’t like them mixed with certain things…..and those things are usually where tomatoes are usually found. Burgers, salads, sandwiches. So, I will often say “no tomatoes”, though many in my family and throughout the world may look at me and think, “Gina, you’re crazy.” Conversely, I LOVE garlic. I could add garlic to almost anything; eggs, meat, pasta, burgers……literally, almost everything. So many would prefer that I not eat it, and even if they like garlic, would not use it as often as I would like to do.
Who is right?
And that’s the thing……differences have existed since the dawn of mankind. They manifest themselves in so many ways; preferences, religion, clothing, politics, entertainment, sexual attractions (and no, I am not just referring to homo or heterosexual realms – but to what we are attracted to). Some like to live in busy, loud cities where “the action is”, while others would instead find joy in the quiet and slower paced “country”. Some would rather spend their money helping others while others would invest in corporations that are developing new technologies. Some listen to gangster rap and enjoy it while others think real music is found in the nuances of classical music.
Who is right?
You may be thinking at this very moment, “why does someone need to be right? That’s just silly!” And that’s my initial point – we too often work from a place of correctness. We seem to, more often than usual nowadays, want to or feel like OUR way is the “right” way. Oh, that’s not new – especially in the realm of religion and politics – by any means. But it sure seems like social media or rhetoric or just our very hearts have taken this phenomenon and made it SO……MUCH……BIGGER!
So, having said that, now my voice comes in. In my estimation, beliefs and preferences and backgrounds don’t define our value or establish “what is right”. Voting for Hillary or Trump doesn’t make someone right or wrong. Being a Christian or a Muslim doesn’t make someone right or wrong. Burning a flag, not burning a flag, peacefully protesting on the streets or kneeling during the National Anthem doesn’t make someone right just as always standing and never protesting doesn’t. Owning a gun legally or despising firearms doesn’t make someone right or wrong. Only marrying someone in your religion/race or marrying outside of them does not make someone right or wrong. All of these make us HUMANS with our morals and backgrounds and world views and preferences, and none of them break any laws. Yet, especially today, it seems many of the loudest voices use these areas as the foundation for their measurement of “being right”, and all I see coming out of that is division, animosity, and arguments. All when “right” remains nebulous at best.
I could elaborate on recent personal situations in my life where family, friends, and coworkers, in any of the above topics, have used their voice to imply my position or views were wrong. I could even elaborate where I took the stance that my view was actually right, exposing THEIR error. And there have been several instances where I chose not to react at all and let the interactions wash past me, only to realize that the resentment and hurt has stayed behind and festered deep within me. Some of these exchanges were very deliberate – kind of “in your face”, as it were – and some started from a place of innocence that I truly believe were not meant to be offensive or abrasive. In every case, it was clear that it was “me against them” or the focus was exclusively on establishing who was right. Too often the root or measuring point was on the “winner”, and too often the interchanges left no room for listening, empathy, finding a shared middle ground – but instead worked towards finding the next zinger that incapacitated the other with their next arguments.
So, who really wins?
I assert, no one. I am NOT talking about standing up for someone being harassed or attacked. I am NOT talking about voicing concerns for injustices. I am NOT talking about standing up for human or constitutional rights that may be in danger. I am referring to interactions surrounding views/beliefs/”what is right”.
So, with that I challenge my 2.78 readers to step back and consider – what do you hope to accomplish in this realm? Will your actions build relations? Have you listened more than you have spoken? Have you looked at the person you’re interacting with and seen their humanity more than your perceived opinion of them based on their views? Perhaps we all could try more in this area…….
Further, I admit my background is Christian. And due to that, I am reminded what Christ taught as recorded in the Bible. It is not to win by any means. It is not to annihilate my opponent and then scream out in victory afterward, “we tore that/them down!”. No, instead He and His Apostles taught these concepts in the Bible:
To love our enemies and not feel justified to annihilate ANYONE based on their stances. ENEMIES. Matt 5:44-48
That perceptions or opinions, especially in the realm of social areas or in religious context and beliefs, are wrong to use to define who or how we interact with others. Matt 9:9-13, Luke 15:1-7, 1 For 9:19-23
No race or religion has more worth or rights than others, but should receive the best from each of us as Christ gave His best. John 4:5-54
And with that, I will say Au Revoir. Peace.
It’s All in the Name
I am excited to announce that my blog, which I’ve been rambling in since 2005, has a new URL! I feel like this little blog has finally grown up! JustRambling.blog is the official link and that got me to thinking…….how important is a URL or even a name?
I go by many names, actually. Gina is one of them, of course. G, Sis, Mom, Maddy, Babe…..Spouse, Wife, Daughter, American, and a few more. My mom used to call me Sam when I was little. All of these evoke positive feelings and memories for me, and reinforce my position on this earth and my right to fill this space. They affirm my existence and make me want to walk in the strength of who I am and to encourage those around me as I do so.
I’ve been called a few colorful names in my lifetime as well. Jerk, Homo, Libtard, Abomination, Satan, Idiot, and others I won’t post here as I am trying to keep it PG-13 rated. These names are not as fun, and usually don’t give me warm and fuzzy feelings as I recall the people or circumstances that voiced them. These names make me sad, or mad, or ashamed. I wonder sometimes if I focus on these names more deeply and more often than the positive ones, which makes me feel pretty gross.
Then, I think about the “Gina” I presented for so many years, the woman I thought my family, my church, and society wanted me to be. That was a hard gig and, while I suppose many people were “happy”, I was lying to everyone including myself and carrying the burden of my lie and my very life like an anvil around my neck.
I am writing on the fly and just asked myself – so where are you going with this Gina? This is getting pretty depressing. Then I replied to myself, “this blog is called Just Rambling – go with it!”. Which really is a strong indication that the 18 hours of PMP studying I’ve done today has taken its toll on my brain…….but I digress.
My point is this – we name ourselves or others name us things that can be positive or negative, but it doesn’t necessarily define us. For example, my acknowledgement to myself and my family that I am a homosexual was a hugely honest and freeing moment for me (aka a positive), while someone screaming it at me as a slur is definitely a negative. But the negative SITUATION doesn’t define me or turn the freeing truth into something bad. And further, PERCEPTION of something doesn’t define our worth or call to fulfilling something bigger than ourselves. We, as humans, seem to put a lot of stock in our names; we look for Job Titles and often think that gives us power, or add letters after our names to indicate our worth (like I will hopefully be adding “PMP” to my email signature soon!), or we lash out at our perceived enemies by calling them names to bring them down a notch or two. And that’s just silly.
I believe God, for those who put faith in Him, knows our fixation on names and directs us differently. While the names He is called in itself is lengthy and still does not quite capture His omnipotence and power, today I want to direct it to others in the Bible.
Abram, who was old and childless (a huge issue in his society), was renamed Abraham – “father of multitudes” – and the Bible says his line are as vast as the sand on the beach. Sarai was also renamed Sarah – “mother of many nations”. God saw and knew this even as Abram and Sarai decried their lack of children.
Jacob was renamed Israel – you know, the name that is now a country and home physically and spiritually for the Chosen People – and God proclaimed that he wrestled with God and men and prevailed. How can you be overwhelmed with shame and lack of worth when you think about that?
No matter what anyone calls me, the truth is I am the King’s Kid. Nothing can separate me from His love. And that, my friends, is really all that matters.
It Takes A Word
Deana works for a large insurance company that makes billions each year. They are “huge” and all that. I have worked for a huge company before, and when I was employed there, we referred to customers as numbers and even referred to our coworkers as “FTEs”. Day after day, financial report after report, I looked at these numbers and FTE references and lost a sense that they were PEOPLE. I would expect Deana’s firm to act the same way, as they are even larger than the firm I worked for. However, when they refer to the customers they serve, they say something like this (I totally made up the number for reference only):
“This month we added 12,254 souls to the account.”
SOULS.
“Soul” is defined as “the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal.” In religion, the soul is often the immaterial piece that we consider to live beyond our physical death. This idea varies widely and has a vast history as described here, but for the purposes of this blog I will stick to the soul being the essence within us that exists after our physical body dies. It is the piece of us that defines who we are, it fellowships with others on this earth as well as our Creator. It is deep within us.
I have always been touched by Deana and her firm for referring to people such as myself as a “soul”. To them, we are not just a number. Not just a paycheck. And that got me thinking – how different would MY day be if I decided to think about every person I interacted with as a soul? What if I forced myself to say “hello Soul Bob” in my head before anything else? What if I forced myself to acknowledge, yep……that dude that just flipped me off as he cut me off has a soul and, as such, should not be chased down for his egregious behavior.
It was a simple question that changed over two dozen interactions this week that would have otherwise not have ended as well. And, perhaps that is sort of what Jesus meant when He told us to love our neighbors (and enemies) as ourselves. Just as Jesus didn’t clarify this command by including “Christians only” or “those who are in our denomination”, or “those who live in our country”, perhaps we need to expand our nets beyond our own little spheres. Then, maybe we will allow room for our souls to interact in purity with other souls we normally would not want to interact with……
That’s NOT to say that I don’t think consequences should occur or that we should be friends with everyone, but those are different topics for different days.
So, here are some outputs of this walk of mine with the concept of “soul”…..
Trump, no matter if anyone feels you make bad decisions, you purposely refuse to pay small businesses under the guise of non-conformity to contracts, you do not respect women, or do not deserve to be president, your soul is worthy of kindness and respect
Hillary, no matter if you are a liar, deserve to be convicted in numerous ways, actually caused the murder of 4 in Benghazi, or just want to kill babies, your soul is worthy of kindness and respect
Evangelical Christians, no matter that some feel you have directly or indirectly caused LGBT to kill themselves, that you have allowed your religion to turn your backs on your own children in “righteous love”, that you insist that Jesus is political, use the Bible as a sword of condemnation and exclusion, or rejoice that your opponents will “burn in hell”, you all have souls worthy of kindness and respect
Muslims, no matter that some believe your religion’s only focus is to terrorize and kill Americans, that you hate the One True God, your rape children, and you want to subjugate every woman in the world, you all have souls worthy of kindness and respect
Atheists, no matter that many believe you have an agenda to turn our children against us, that you are getting your slimy hands on every educational platform in this country, and you want to throw Christians in jail, you all have souls worthy of kindness and respect
LGBT people, no matter that most would say your propaganda is focused on stealing traditional marriage from us, that you’re promiscuous and abominations, that you are steep in the filth of HIV and AIDS, seek out our children in bathrooms, try to convert our children in schools, and insist on buying wedding cakes, you all have souls worthy of kindness and respect
Black Lives, no matter that America says you need to calm down and show respect for authority, need to stop being in gangs in the inner cities, need to stop destroying your own cities in riots, probably should take less drugs, and probably should stop insisting that your lives are more important than ours, you all have souls worthy of kindness and respect
Blue Lives, no matter that many say many of you use your authority in ways that would be called a crime otherwise, that corruption is the norm in your agencies, and racism is a core value, you all have souls worthy of kindness and respect
Women, no matter that EVERYONE says you keep insisting that you need to be able to murder babies, that you are promiscuous and sluts and that’s the only reason why you insist on having access to birth control, and you expect to be treated like a man in pay and authority, you all have souls worthy of kindness and respect
Trump Supporters, no matter that you’re racists, ignorant, hateful, misinformed, rich worshipers and poor neglecters, you all have souls worthy of kindness and respect
Hillary Supporters, no matter that you all want to kill babies, you’re all satanists, you want to make Christianity illegal, you just want something for nothing, and you want to take away everyone’s guns, you all have souls worthy of kindness and respect
Gina, no matter that you used every negative stereotype you could think of to expose our own personal justifications for treating other people poorly, you have a soul worthy of kindness and respect
Humanness…..and Judgment
Life is……complicated. Too often I (and perhaps we) are very quick to decide how things are based on limited knowledge or even limited scenarios. Sometimes scenarios help us to avoid things in the future, but sometimes they could create prejudices or even judgments in our hearts.
Let me give you some examples of what I am talking about.
I was raised to trust authority, to believe they may not always be right, but more often than not, those in authority knew the best and wanted to do the best for me. About 15 years ago, I was driving in my super sexy Dodge Grand Caravan with my then husband and Kenny, who was about 6 years old. We were driving through an intersection, had the green light, when suddenly a truck that had a red light to our right entered the intersection to turn right and ultimately t-boned us. Thankfully, no one was injured by the damage to my sexy mini-van was bad. We pulled over, I called the police, while the older couple in the truck remained in their vehicles. They did not ask if we were alright, the woman/passenger in fact continued to read her newspaper as if nothing had happened. As our son was on the side that was hit, his father became very upset at the lack of concern on their part, though I encouraged him to wait for the police and see what happens.
The police came, took our story, and then spoke to the male driver of the truck. We still had not interacted with the other driver. The policeman came back to me (I was the driver) and told me the other driver was a retired police officer, his account matched mine, and therefore recommended no police report be filed as “then the other driver would not have to be fined”. I trusted the police officer, and despite the lack of concern shown by the other driver, trusted his account and word due to the fact he was also a police officer albeit retired.
Big mistake. When all was said and done, the other drive told his insurance I ran the red light and it was 100% my fault. I, of course, told my insurance what really happened. Since we had no witnesses and no police report, we were each charged as 50% responsible. The truth, however, was that he was 100% responsible. He lied to his insurance, he lied to the police officer implying he would not dispute what happened (though he DID tell the truth to him about the events), and he changed my view of SOME police officers – more on that later.
Flash forward to last year; Deana was driving to work in downtown Atlanta and an off duty police officer driving to work decided, in his personal car, that he needed two lanes to turn into his work’s parking lot. From the left lane, with no signal, he turned right and didn’t bother to look to see if he was clear to do so. He wasn’t – Deana was driving to the right and just behind him and he ended up turning into her left door just inches from where she sat. This happened right in front of the police station, so when she called someone walked out almost immediately. Very quickly in, both the off duty officer and the officer taking the report tried to convince Deana that no police report was necessary – “I agree with what happened, it was totally my fault.” Off Duty told Deana. “I have already called my insurance company and they will take care of this.” His co-worker backed him up, stating he would get a ticket or points on his record if a report was filed and that there really was no need for a report. Knowing my history, Deana called me to get my opinion, and I told her to absolutely get a report because “you never know who you’re dealing with. Just because the guy is a police officer doesn’t mean he’s trustworthy. Humans are humans and some humans are not honest.” So, she insisted on a report and one was filed.
It was GOOD that the report was filed, because Off Duty never called his insurance. Our insurance, since it was not Deana’s fault, didn’t really get involved and just said “contact the driver’s insurance.” That insurance company didn’t dispute Deana’s claims per se, but they refused to proceed without speaking to their client. They left him over 10 messages, but he never returned their calls. Finally, after about a month of this, we tried to call the department he said he worked for in the police unit. That too was a lie. I finally got hold of someone who was kind enough in the police department who looked up where Off Duty worked and sent me to his supervisor; I left a message there and explained how this employee of the City of Atlanta was not being honorable. In the mean time, Deana had to pay for a copy of the police report, send it to his insurance, and pretty much brow beat them to fix our car. I am not sure which path was the fix – his boss or Deana’s Latina attitude – but we finally got the car fixed and they accepted it was 100% his fault. But bottom line, if we had “just trusted his word” we probably would have been screwed.
So, first of all, some police officers are dishonest. They are human and bring forward weakness and selfishness and bad decisions and perhaps even lack honor. We ALL have those attributes at times, so I have realized just because they have a badge and gun does not mean they’re above board across the board. Fortunately for me, these two situations did not involve guns or violence.
But……..
Just like with everything else in life, these two police officers do not represent all officers. And even though many of us SAY things like that, there is this reality that we are impacted by negative experiences more so than positive ones. At least, that’s what I seem to see in our society. So, when so many police shootings against blacks or aggressiveness or whatever else, my first reaction in my heart was “there is another bad cop…..so many lack honor”. And when I put that through MY experience filter, it makes sense. I mean, TWO TIMES I dealt with dishonorable men and that made me feel that there might be more in the force than I realized. Pretty soon, without me realizing it, my heart was really processing it like this: “All cops are dishonorable, and only a few truly can be trusted.”……even though I said and I thought I believed “most police are honorable”.
The increase of fear and division and violence and rhetoric in our daily lives the past year has made me so………I lack the word. It is like I wanted to sit in a small room like a bunker and wait it out with no windows for a decade and see what might be left. Then the shootings on police started and I was sickened. I was in shock and cried out to God, asking why violence was so prevalent in this world – why we thought murder would make things better. I considered some comments a friend of mine made – an officer and an honorable one – and I had no place to go but prayer. I wanted to run, but instead the very filter I didn’t know existed was exposed. I was ALSO a human, and I was judging.
All to say, there’s nothing wrong for “being smart”. If you are in an accident, get a police report. Always. People are people. If you have been abused, avoid the situation in the future if possible. If you are a majority, be a force for the minority. If you’re white in a community that has institutional racism – by citizens or officers, be vocal. If you are straight and you witness someone in the LGBTQ community being harassed, be vocal. If individual officers violate the law, hold them accountable. If citizens in the community violate the law, hold them accountable. If you are oppressed and treated differently, don’t give up, stay vocal, but avoid allowing your anger to become violent (and hear me, the shooters of police are NOT associated with Black Lives Matter just as the bad cops don’t represent the rest). But let’s ALL take stock of our filters – let’s admit we probably all have them and possibly don’t even realize they exist, and determine to try not to apply them broadly. Let each individual be measured on their own actions and not the actions of a few (or their skin color…..or their religion…….). Let’s not lump all – black, white, or purple – into behaviors that are not fair. And, if someone does that to you or you realize you have a filter that has been doing that……don’t become violent. Don’t let hatred dwell in your heart. Acknowledge it, change it, and move on.
Peace and thanks for reading.
Rest
This week I received a long overdue massage, a 90 minute one in fact! Myriad stresses have done their toll on my body, so I practically apologized to my therapist knowing he was sure to find my muscles a mess. I had prepared mentally for the massage all day – cleaning my mind to enter into as close to relaxation as I could, focusing on the stress and knots of my muscles being released as I planned to control my breathing. In……out…….easy…….feel the stress being released…….clear all thoughts but the feeling of my therapist’s hands press out the tension from my body.
Focus. Relax. Breathe. Repeat.
It was about 45 minutes into this process, and I was feeling pretty good I might add, a thought hit me. It seemed to come out of nowhere. The thought was loosely based on the following verses:
Matt 11:28-30 ESV “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
When I get a massage, I do not focus on the knots, the aches and pains, nor the stress that has wound me up. No. I focus instead on relaxing. On the releasing power the therapist’s hands and the impact they have on my body. The feeling of the cleansing breaths that I take, the feeling of the air exiting my lungs as I envisions every cell of my body getting loose and relaxed. Of how healthy I feel. How strong I am in the relaxed state. Of how slowly my heart is beating as the blood begins to flow at a more effective rate throughout my body. And as I realized that, I also realized that maybe God doesn’t want us to be these uptight followers that focus only on “being this” or “doing that”, but instead “resting in Him”!
I think we Christians focus way too much on creating a mechanism of our own efforts to make ourselves holy. We go to church multiple times a week. We present ourselves in such a way that we cannot be pointed at as sinners. In fact, we separate ourselves from “sinners”, maybe avoid places like movie theaters or bars, and then we decide at some point that we are suddenly holy. Or maybe we never feel holy and then get sad or mad or frustrated. Maybe we get a little arrogant or self-righteous. But through it all, the efforts are all ours. I am NOT saying any of the efforts are bad – hear me – I just think perhaps they are the wrong things to focus on.
Instead, I think Jesus was trying to explain a few things. I don’t know, I mean He said He fulfilled the law and covered our sins and, because of that, we are saved. He said above that His yolk is EASY, His burden is LIGHT. We get so busy trying to be what we think we need to be to seem acceptable to Him (or maybe the others struggling within our churches, let’s be real), that we forget to even SIT next to Jesus, let alone REST in Him! And, as the massage and this idea rumbled quietly in my head I realized that this Truth is bigger than I anticipated. We don’t necessarily always need to DO anything! Sometimes we just need to rest, and when we do we actually LEARN from Jesus.
And, when that lightbulb turned on, I thought of the last 4 visits/days I had with my Mom. Usually I am the project manager in all things; I talk to doctors, I get nurses to care for her better/faster/more diligently, I update family members and buy groceries and arrange for this and for that and whatever. I was a bit irked with myself the last 4 visits though, because I was out of character and just stood or sat right next to my mom. I didn’t really get ANYTHING done. I didn’t even work remotely on my computer. I felt WEIRD and I felt unproductive. I almost felt worthless. My character was so out of place. And yet, those 4 days with my mom I will cherish FOREVER. I said more to her in those days than I have in years. I learned tidbits I had never heard before. And I told her the most important things I could about how I felt for her. When I just rested beside her, everything fell into place. And now, weeks later, I know I will never have that time again, and it makes it all the more powerful to realize…….thank GOD I was out of character! Action and doing are not the devil, by any means, but they are not a deity either that needs to be adored. Take time to rest in Jesus, and to rest with those you love. And maybe even rest when getting a 90 minute massage. The Lord said it, not me! 🙂
Just Rambling 