Why Love is Sometimes Not Enough…..

I am 41 years old and still have revelations. I still have these moments where the lights turn on and I say, “Ah, I get it now!” It is refreshing and humbling at the same time, and a great example of how we never quite get to the point where we “know it all”!

So, I’d like to share with you one lesson I have recently learned – love is sometimes not enough.

Let me put this into perspective to you.

I believed to the core of my being that, if I loved someone enough, they would eventually see this love and it would change their life for the better. This love would manifest itself in kind words, kind touches, monetary assistance, physical assistance, prayer, consistency, etc. Sometimes this love would be romantically driven as well as spiritually driven, but not always. Sometimes this love would come before my own self-love, even before others I love who have less power to control their own lives. Yet, my truth remained – love harder, believe deeper, and things will change! Ignore the treatment I am receiving, which is really an indication of my own failure more than anything the other person is responsible for!

But I realized, it is NOT my responsibility to provide enough love for someone else to stop being selfish, self-centered, or downright mean! Love is NOT enough to cover the bad attitudes, harsh words, deplorable actions of others! And it’s about time that I love myself enough to say – hey, I am not taking this crap any longer!

For example, I truly believe there have been narcissists in my life; at least they manifest many of the clinical characteristics I’ve had explained to me. And related to that, I’d like to share a quote I received from a DIFFERENT friend:

“You cannot reform a narcissist. When you are the target, you must move. You would not stand in front of a rifle aimed at you, and you must not stand in front of your abuser.”

And here is a quote taken from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert:

“Moreover, I have boundary issues. Or maybe that’s not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time – everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.”

Sadly, I confess to you, my regular and devoted 2.87 readers in cyberspace, that I am guilty of both items above! I haven’t moved when the gun was aimed at me, and I have depleted myself to the point of death……just long enough to start the cycle again with someone else. So, my goals and actions, whether or not they were noble and pure, SUCK! And my love for others, in this regard, was certainly not enough.

Does this mean love ends? Or that love is bad? I tell those involved that the love has ended, but I know it remains. And even as I type this, I feel the urge to pick up the pieces and start the cycle, to try to fix the world, the others, and ignore the fact that this is a huge problem I have! Yet, I commit to fighting that urge, to admit that I DESERVE TO HAVE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS! I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH HONOR, RESPECT, AND CARE! MY LOVE SHOULD BE ACCEPTED NOT BECAUSE IT IS NEEDED TO MAKE ANOTHER HOSPITABLE, BUT BECAUSE LOVE IS PATIENT AND KIND! AND FINALLY, I DESERVE TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE TO THIS!

So, Love is Sometimes Not Enough. I still love you (you know who you are, and people, don’t make so many assumptions), but I will no longer allow you to treat me as you do in the name of this love! Gina is changing and I have God and my friends for their support!

Thanks…..

Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing

The world is a dangerous place. Not because of the people who are evil; but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” Albert Einstein

“Or, the world is dangerous not because of the people who are evil, but “the righteous” using evil – disguised as love – as a sword.” Anonymous

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta

When the mind withdraws into itself and dispenses with facts it makes only chaos.” Edith Hamilton

“No one outside of this room will know any of the details we discussed today – you have my personal word.”  Executive from a certain financial institution.  Um, note to self, don’t accept “personal words” from anyone at said organization.

“Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Jesus

“Love your neighbor as yourself, unless they are imperfect or do not meet the standards we have created, then we need to investigate, interrogate, and persecute, ultimately making sure they never show their face on our property again!  I mean, we don’t want questions surrounding anyone ruining OUR reputation! Send a letter via FedEx now….”  Anonymous Organization

Quotes of the Week

This week may be harder for me (as was last week) because I didn’t update my log when things happened…..and you know my memory is NOT what it used to me!

“There’s always some damn lining on a cloud somewhere…..” Rona, after getting a flat tire.

“Girlfriend…I was born ready to PARTY!!!” Stephanie P.

“I am not intimidated by you…..you’re a girl!” Jim U.

Interchange with Sophia and Deana:
S: Mom, we forgot Gina!
D: Sweetie, we took her to the airport, she’s in California now.
S: She’s in California?
D: Yes, sweetie.
S: I beat her up!

Interchange with Sophia and Gina via phone:
G: Good morning Sophia
S: Good morning. You buying money?
G: Am I buying money?
S: Yes, you in California to buy money for my Mama?
G: Yes, I am in California buying money for YOU!
S: Good, because I want my Dora house.

“Since I owe you a true welcome, I will bring your favorite Starbucks in tomorrow!” Lori W. (and she did! yummy!)

Liz, after an evil interchange with me where we insulted each other quite well, explains to the new Sales staff, “We actually like each other.” I think my mentoring of her is almost complete! Sniff sniff.

Interchange with my family in Processing: Wanda, Rosie, and Katie:
G: Hey Wanda, do you have any change? I am starving.
W: Mi vida, I have some food….oatmeal, peanut butter crackers, peanuts…..
R: You’re hungry? I have a cup of soup if you want it?
K: I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!
I so felt the love and ended up with the soup, crackers, and peanuts after which I noticed there was a ton of free food in the galley anyway, LOL.

“Today is the day!” Deana, who is flying out TONIGHT!

“I am glad you called, Mom!” Kirstie, who I dialed on accident LOL. But we had a nice conversation.

“Lori, Rona, Deana…..where is my name?” Wanda, to whom I explained I was COMPLAINING in by post about them and – as such – could NOT include her name!

“Geen, buy me a computer.” Heather

“Geen get in your car and come to work I mees you!” Text from Liz that I received when I turned on my phone as my plane taxied to the gate in Ontario. She meant to – and accomplished – the Sophia tone perfectly.

Okay, I best start getting ready for work now! Have a great day!

What Lori, are you bugging me again????

Okay, I shouldn’t just mention Lori for bugging me – as I received an email from her today bemoaning the fact that this blog as well as Deana’s have not been updated – but Rona has noted that the quotes of the week lacked her name as well as Deana’s. Had I not arrived so late this morning to work, having just flown in from Texas, I think I would have heard more complaints from Rona. She is very bossy, you know!

In any case, I digress. First, let me quote Rona and Deana, to be applied to last week’s Quotes of the Week:

Rona: “Gina, you are amazingly intelligent.”

Deana: “How can I live without the best friend in the whole world?” referring to – of course – Gina.

Now, a quick recap of my Texas holiday:

~ Eating at Cantina Laredo which was so FREAKING good I want to go back just for more Prime Rib! 11/9 baby! Oh wait, maybe 11/10.

~ Down Under Pub & Grill. It was fun watching the band and the people in Halloween costumes. Sorry I was too tired that we didn’t stay to see who won (and Deana is STILL complaining about it!)

~ Bowling with everyone and beating Deana both games, with game #2 by only 1 pin! Ba ha ha ha.

~ Singing “You’re the One that I Want” from Grease with Josh.

~ Going to church and being amazed.

~ Me ready to fight the lady at Scotty P’s for the table, but instead hearing “I am so very sorry!” Deana, who was running to try to get to me, whispered “Gina, remember you’re in Texas….people are nice here!”

~ Watching Pan’s Labyrinth and Letters from Iwo Jima – both amazingly good movies

~ Looking for the DVD Elizabeth all over town and finding NOTHING

~ Devos with the kids

~ Playing at the park with the kids, including tackling Kenny

~ Getting a free evaluation at a MedSpa with Deana and Stepha, as I drank the free wine and scarfed the free food (SHRIMP baby!)

Here are some thanks for peeps in CA regarding my return:

~ To Liz, who was the first text I received when I turned on my phone as my plane taxied to the gate, saying something that sounded very much like Sophia

~ To Rona, who let me wear jeans to work

~ To Lori, who is bringing my favorite Starbucks coffee to worship practice tomorrow morning!

Okay, that’s it! It’s not that late here (9pm) but I am BEAT!

Ciao!

Quotes of the Week

“Lady, laying like that is very inappropriate.” Sandy, to her dog Lady

“Hey girl, how are you?” Bob the Contractor, to whom I replied “Great, how are you?” before I realized he was talking to Lady.

“You better put a nice quote from me this week.” Liz

As taken from one of my MySpace surveys:
Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Yes, a stupid construction admin person that thinks she is smarter than everyone but she just says blah blah blah. (I stole the blah blah blah part from Liz, who often says that to me when I am abusing her.)

“You are too much sexy” Me, to Pete as I gazed at his cardinal red shirt.

“You should not say that too loud, it’s better to do it under your breath.” Jim, to me regarding my comment to Pete. Jim’s a manager now and hip on sexual harassment prevention! LOL

“Geen, can I get a haircut? My hair is funky.” Sophia, who has it in her mind that I hold her mother’s money. And yes, she got the haircut and I got the credit for it!

“Thanks for the email, Gina.” Liz, who really CAN be nice on occasion!

Conversation in the galley at work:
Wanda (?)- so Ryan, I noticed you were selling a lot of items in Personal Announcements.
Ryan – yeah, well I am getting new things so I am selling the old ones.
Gina- wow it must be nice!
Ryan – well, I’ve had a lot of weddings lately.
Gina (who, btw, is amazingly witty) – oh, I didn’t know you were a polygamist!
(Now, people, do you REALLY think Ryan is a polygamist?!?!!?! Perhaps he is a wedding PHOTOGRAPHER! Anyway, I didn’t want to be in trouble for starting a rumor, but believe me, it was very funny at the time. Even more funny than Rona usually is!)

“This is my mom.” Kirstie, to her friend Tasha, as we were eating sushi. Do you know that I LOVE sushi and Kirstie is a regular at the place we were eating????? COOL! We even had edamame I have no idea if I spelled that right, but it is soy beans. Per Wikipedia, edamame is a preparation of immature soybeans in the pod commonly found in China and Japan. The pods are boiled in water together with condiments such as salt, and served whole. Very yummy. I think I am addicted.

Okay, I am in Phoenix now waiting for my connecting flight to Dallas and we are about to board. I am posting these but will try to add more later……I need to remember something Deana and Rona said.

PEACE!

Quotes of the Week

Okay, here is this week’s installment:

“You made me laugh so much, I am sweating.” Jim U.

“Don’t give us reason to question your orientation.” Pete to Liz, who was saying that Elvis wasn’t good looking.

Interchange with Rona:
R: You haven’t done your quotes for a while.
G: Yes I have, I did it last week.
R: oh, well it doesn’t count if I’m not in it.

“I want liver and onions.” Austin, 3 (and repeating his Amie)

“Shut your face, poopy head.” Liz (see, she CAN be mean! Martin was right!)

“I passed my second test!” Deana, referring to her credential testing.

I am too tired to think of more because I didn’t save them correctly this week. So I will update it Saturday morning!

Quotes of the Week

Okay, not much to say this week, but I am trying my best!

“I am easy.” Jim U.

“Auntie Geen! Get in your car and come to Texas! I miss you!” Sophia

“Does it hurt?” Stepha questioning me as I got my newest tattoo. The answer was YES!

“…the Wizard needs some agents. He requires a few generals. In the long run. Some people with managing skills. Some people with gumption. In a word, women.” Madame Morrible, from Wicked (the novel)

Exchange with Rona and Gina in a taxi in Vegas as a song by Justin Timberlake is playing:
G: Shhhhh! Stop talking! Do you NOT know who this is?
R: Yes, I know who it is and he is NOT dating you! (or some such nonsense, at which point the taxi driver starts busting up. grrrrr!)

“Don’t be sick Friday. Don’t be sick Friday.” Liz, who is capable of being nice on occasion…..seriously!

“Oh no!!!!” Wanda, who sent a joke email to the wrong Mark…..

That’s all I have this week peeps!